Impossible quotes of stupidity

jdog

Shop: Halter's Cycles
Shop Keep
classic!!

I have experienced many of these quotes while riding on the road with
Chris G.
 

MMuller

Well-Known Member
Wish I could take credit for these. Were fwd'd to me by my brother in Kalispell from montanacycling.com. Still cracks me up everytime I read. "Meet you at the store....there is no store." Too funny.
 

Allamuchy Joe

Not White House Approved
JORBA.ORG
I have a burning hate in my belly for crap bikes. Life is too short to buy fkn crap bikes.


A kid I knew once asked me to fix his BSO (Bike Shaped Object) he recently got. I asked what the problem was and he said that the brakes kept coming on when he turned. What???

Well, it turns out that the fork flexed and deflected so much when he turned his wheel, that the rim was coming into contact with the brake shoes. Nice, huh? What a piece of crap!
 

NJMX835

New Member
We had a kid in the summer that bought 3 bikes in the course of a months because he couldn't decide what type of riding he wanted to do. Turns out his parents let him take out his savings bonds to do this. He's in the shop telling us about this and how he has no money left. Then he looks at me and says, "It wasn't smart, but it was a good idea." :hmmm:


It wasn't that Pinkshirt kid, was it?

lol
 

hooples3

Member
A little bit off topic but we used to send interns out for:
-a bag of sparks
-a skirting board ladder (the kickboard at the bottom of a wall)
-a long stand
-tartan paint

Ahhh the fun we had...


funny stuff.. i worked in a sporting good store and sent the cashier girl down to get left handed footballs..
and another time a bucket of mixing steam
 

NJMX835

New Member
A little bit off topic but we used to send interns out for:
-a bag of sparks
-a skirting board ladder (the kickboard at the bottom of a wall)
-a long stand
-tartan paint

Ahhh the fun we had...


Go get me the 3' level out of the glove box.

Oh yeah, & the left handed screwdriver out of my toolbox.

The left handed scredriver is the best, because it's always the other one, if you have enough screwdrivers in your toolbox you can get 7 or 8 trips out of them.


:rofl:
 

Shaggz

A strong 7
when i was in the boy scouts, the 3 most common were a left-handed smoke shifter, bacon stretcher and a box of dehydrated water.
 

tonyride

Don't piss off the red guy
This guy really talked like that. I swear.

Have you ever been to south Jersey??

When you deal with the public you get all types. So I see it all.
Oh I believe you. I bought my Super V from you guys and the people down there are a bit.... different.
 

tonyride

Don't piss off the red guy
Ok, this isn't bike related but my friends love these stories and they ask me to repeat them to others all the time. I worked as a waiter at my local Red Lobster through college and here are some of the questions I got:

"umm.. this here filet mig-non, what kinda fish be dat?" So not to embarass the customer, my response was "Well, it kind of tastes like steak".

Then I got "dis here fried clam platter.... what's in that?". "Well ma'am, there's fried clams.... and that's it".

I had a man who asked for a halibit steak.... medium rare.

It was in a colorful town.
 

olegbabich

Well-Known Member
From my restaurant days:
What kind fish is veal?
Can I get my ham steak MR?
I want my burger to remember it used to MOOOO!!!
 

tonyride

Don't piss off the red guy
From my restaurant days:
What kind fish is veal?
Can I get my ham steak MR?
I want my burger to remember it used to MOOOO!!!
The first 2 sounds like they're just stupid but the third comment is just a poor and lame attempt at trying to be cool.
 

Space Heater

Shop Owner / Employee
Shop Keep
I had someone come into the shop today. I greated them and right away they said, "just browsing" and as soon as I turned my back they asked a question. How much are your bikes. I told him 400 to 9000. But what he couldn't understand was that there are bikes in between those prices. This is in New York City and I had to explain that there were 600, 2000 and so on. The reason I was bothered with this question is that it took me 5 minutes to explain. Maybe I was rushing because I was busy, but come on.

Also I have worked at shops all over and I swear at least once every few years I get someone calling to see if we sell used shorts? Seriously!
 

jdog

Shop: Halter's Cycles
Shop Keep
Guy walks in and says - "Do you sell pedometers??"

i say (with a straight face) "This is a bike shop"

He says- " You don't have to be mean!" "How about stop watches"

I say - "right next to the pedometers"

He was really pissed off. He storms out swearing never to return.

I think to myself "my work here is done.."

I am sure that he has told everyone he know that we worship Satan, but we got such a laugh out of it.. I think it was worth it.
 

Allamuchy Joe

Not White House Approved
JORBA.ORG
Guy walks in and says - "Do you sell pedometers??"

i say (with a straight face) "This is a bike shop"

He says- " You don't have to be mean!" "How about stop watches"

I say - "right next to the pedometers"

He was really pissed off. He storms out swearing never to return.

I think to myself "my work here is done.."

I am sure that he has told everyone he know that we worship Satan, but we got such a laugh out of it.. I think it was worth it.

You should have sold him a cyclocomputer -- zip tie the magnet on one leg and the sensor on the other leg...:p
 

Space Heater

Shop Owner / Employee
Shop Keep
Speaking of the "this is a bike shop" I recently had a guy come in to get out of the rain. He asked where the umbrellas are. I said this is a bike shop sir. His response, I've bought umbrellas at bike shops before. Sure you have, and imitation Burberry handbags.
 

Allamuchy Joe

Not White House Approved
JORBA.ORG
Speaking of the "this is a bike shop" I recently had a guy come in to get out of the rain. He asked where the umbrellas are. I said this is a bike shop sir. His response, I've bought umbrellas at bike shops before. Sure you have, and imitation Burberry handbags.

Sell him a rim, a stick and a couple of magazines -- he could have made his own umbrella.

Thinking out of the box. :)
 

mwlikesbikes

Well-Known Member
when i was in the boy scouts, the 3 most common were a left-handed smoke shifter, bacon stretcher and a box of dehydrated water.

in scouts we had those plus tent dust, kindling starters, and jar of smoke. we'd always get the tenderfoots on their first camporee
 

Eileen

Active Member
I work in a movie theater and we had green icees when Shrek came out. One day I was really bored and drinking my green icee to pass the time.

Customer walks up to the counter to buy food...

"The inside of your mouth is green?!"
"Yes it is."
"Is it always like that?" (Serious question)
"Yes, and doctors say it's rare" :rofl:

She had no doubt that I was telling the truth :hysterica
 
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