The mind is a powerful thing, but it can work against you as much as for you. 3 weeks ago I scheduled a CT scan for follow up and immediately went into panic mode, what will they find? Will it be bad news? Am I gonna die? I mean I feel great so I shouldn’t think that way but I have been. Scared to death is a good term for it. So I had the scan 2 weeks ago and have been having some intestinal issues since….is it the Barium or my nerves??? A week goes by and no word from the doc, good news I say to myself. 2 weeks go by and I’m almost in a state….I want to know and I don’t. Most people don’t understand what I just said unless they’ve been down the same road. I finally see my phone ring from the docs office on Friday at 4pm….it’s a robo call about my appointment on Monday, I didn’t make an appointment wtf!! So I call the office only to find they are closed for the weekend….man was I pissed, scared, freaked out, etc. I mean, why would they do this to me. So my wife sends them a fax to ensure that they would get my message this morning. In typical Frank fashion, it was loaded with sarcasm and a bit of anger thrown in. I get a call today and the person on the other end was a bit on the quiet side, probably because she thought I was going to bite her head off. She then says that she wants to schedule me in and I said “ok, but soon and early” to which she replied “next Monday at 11”. I guess I blew a gasket at that point, don’t really remember, but I said are you f-in kidding me??? Have my doc call me with my results.
Well a few hours go by and he finally calls….my scans looked good, “ but there is a nodule on your lung I want to keep an eye on”. I said ok, thanks, and hung up. Now I find myself feeling so drained, elated, and not believing what I heard. My wife is thrilled because his job is to find shit and get me to have it treated, I guess he may have heard enough crap from me about this before…I’ve compared him to an auto shop service advisor.
So it looks like I’m doing well, and need to get on my bike and clear my head. What a trip this whole thing is…damn.