Tips for selling..
In light of the recent lift of the 30 post rule I figure I would offer some tips on unloading a bike. There are several methods, and no offense to those who have these named after them.
The yard sale: you drive around on the weekend just to avoid spending time with your wife. You can't resist a 50 dollar hunk of shit and buy everyone you see. After loading it into your Subaru you head home, unload it, and lube the chain. You will have no problem getting 300 here. We're all dumb and love a good laugh.
The rust bucket: normally purchased 10 years ago at an above retail special price. Can have components that you will never find parts for, or was such a giant piece of garbage that the bike was only produced for a year or two. We start high, like a thousand bucks. Then bump it three times a day, and have a friend comment on what great care you took with the bike. A mid week threat that it's off the CL won't hurt. There's an a-hole for every seat, so be patient.
The upgrade: upgraditius caught you and you dumped 3k into a 2k bike. Carbon, no tubes, air fork, dropper, color coded wire crimps and cables and a custom license plate from the back of a honey combs box, ect...your a moron, but don't worry it will sell. Tons of pictures, high Rez magazine quality pictures, and list what the upgrades cost new. List bike shop prices only because not everyone knows about the evil Internet. List this Xmas present for $2900
Last years rode twice - fire sale: cycling not your cup of tea? No problem, sign up here and waste our time by telling us how much your barley ridden bike sold for last year. We all get a generous discount from the lbs and probably bought the same bike brand new for a hundred less than your bail out price. We can help, just make up some unimaginable excuse, like sickle cell anemia or something. Also list how much the rest of the suckers on the net are getting. That makes us look stupider than we really are and that's fun.
Clown shooze: Ok so you bought the next big thing and have riden your 1st fat bike. After hitting the rescue inhaler 19 times in the parking lot you realize that you are fatter than your fat bike and will need to unload this ungodly awefulling looking piece of horse shit. Problem is, they didnt catch on like the now popular '29'. Not a problem here at MTBNJ. We love niche markets. The member here buy and sell 26/29/650B/fixie/flip flop/20"/stereo equipement/vhs/lawn mowers/horse tranquilizers/and tandems all the time. Winter mittens included in the sale will always turn an eye to your add. If this dont work, then jew yourself down (can we say that? Prob not) to a point where you pay someone to come pick it up. This technique of bargain basement pricing is called the 'bullshitter'.
The dripping with attitude - feeler - no low ball ...aka the 'hat trick':
Your a yuppie and a damm good one at that. Last year you spent your 1st quarter bonus on a carbon 21lb dream bike and some spandex, gu, a tribal arm henna tattoo and some anti monkey butt ass cream. Your a fucking cubical badass and tell all the dickwads at the water cooler how badass your weekend was and have scars to prove it. Problem is that keeping up with golf, the kids soccer, cutting the lawn so it looks like Yankee stadium and stalking the vegan Cashier at starbucks leaves no room for riding. No biggie, we know your a badass and mean business because your selling a 10 month old 7k dollar bike with zero miles on it. How much is it worth you ask? Well, if we could calculate 'go fvck yourself' into a number we would, but not even the urban dictionary does math like that. So we low ball you, not because we like your bike, but because we Hate you, mostly as a result of jealously, but mainly because when you cut us off on the road because your talking to your kids therapist on the cell and try to pass the 'oh jeez didn't see you half ass wave' as an apology. Carbon freezes in the rain anyways.
.....next up is the 'n+1 sale.....