Raritan 911: Robocop
- Thread starter Carson
- Start date
rlb
Well-Known Member
The dildo?
The Dildo Story #1 (circa 2003)
Another officer and I go to a house for a half-ass domestic. In reality, the boyfriend called us after he was concerned that his girlfriend was suicidal following their breaking up. We talked with the GF, confirmed she needs to take a ride to the hospital for behavioral health, and called the ambulance. After she's on her way, the BF tells us that even though the GF did not live with him, she stayed at his place alot and may have left personal belongings and drug paraphernalia in his bedroom that he doesn't want in the house. BF gives us consent to search the room and goes outside to smoke a cigarette. I put on rubber gloves. My partner does not. This will be his downfall.
We start snooping around the room. My partner and I are standing on opposite sides of the bed. I locate a small bag hanging over the bedpost by the strap. I open it up and find two dildos and a butt plug. I glance at my partner and see that he's not looking at me. He is fucked.
I lob the butt plug towards him and call his name while it's in mid-air. He looks over towards me as the butt plug bounces off his chest and onto the bed. While he is processing what just happened and what is lying on the bed in front of him, I lob the smaller dildo at him. It hits him in the chest and lands on the bed next to the butt plug. He looks up at me to find I have one more, larger dildo in my hands and I am ready to lob.
My partner looked like he was guarding Michael Jordan. He starts side stepping back and forth while he tries to dig for rubber gloves in his pocket. Unlucky for him, he can't find any.
Partner: Don't you fucking do it.
Me: They are probably clean.
Partner: I'm telling you, don't you fucking do it. This isn't funny.
Me: I've seen the girls you date. You probably already have herpes.
Partner: Dave, I'll fucking shoot you if you throw that at me.
Me: Fine.
I feign like I'm putting the dildo back in the bag and my partner lets down his guard and starts to walk away. In my best Cy Young impression, I wind up and throw it like a javelin at his back. Perfect finger roll. I can see the veins spinning slowly clockwise while it travels its trajectory. Thankfully, it did not have balls, so the path was true. My partner senses it's not over and ducks. The 9-incher hits him right at the base of the neck, mushroom tip first, just above his shirt collar. It falls to the floor with a loud thump.
My partner never looked back, never said anything. He walked out of the room, down the stairs, out the door, past the BF, got in his patrol car, and drove to the station to shower. I repacked the toy bag, talked to the BF, and left.
I bought dinner and coffee for my partner for two weeks. I did not go on calls with him for a month for fear of retribution. I replaced my toothbrush in my locker the next day out of paranoia/precaution.
Another officer and I go to a house for a half-ass domestic. In reality, the boyfriend called us after he was concerned that his girlfriend was suicidal following their breaking up. We talked with the GF, confirmed she needs to take a ride to the hospital for behavioral health, and called the ambulance. After she's on her way, the BF tells us that even though the GF did not live with him, she stayed at his place alot and may have left personal belongings and drug paraphernalia in his bedroom that he doesn't want in the house. BF gives us consent to search the room and goes outside to smoke a cigarette. I put on rubber gloves. My partner does not. This will be his downfall.
We start snooping around the room. My partner and I are standing on opposite sides of the bed. I locate a small bag hanging over the bedpost by the strap. I open it up and find two dildos and a butt plug. I glance at my partner and see that he's not looking at me. He is fucked.
I lob the butt plug towards him and call his name while it's in mid-air. He looks over towards me as the butt plug bounces off his chest and onto the bed. While he is processing what just happened and what is lying on the bed in front of him, I lob the smaller dildo at him. It hits him in the chest and lands on the bed next to the butt plug. He looks up at me to find I have one more, larger dildo in my hands and I am ready to lob.
My partner looked like he was guarding Michael Jordan. He starts side stepping back and forth while he tries to dig for rubber gloves in his pocket. Unlucky for him, he can't find any.
Partner: Don't you fucking do it.
Me: They are probably clean.
Partner: I'm telling you, don't you fucking do it. This isn't funny.
Me: I've seen the girls you date. You probably already have herpes.
Partner: Dave, I'll fucking shoot you if you throw that at me.
Me: Fine.
I feign like I'm putting the dildo back in the bag and my partner lets down his guard and starts to walk away. In my best Cy Young impression, I wind up and throw it like a javelin at his back. Perfect finger roll. I can see the veins spinning slowly clockwise while it travels its trajectory. Thankfully, it did not have balls, so the path was true. My partner senses it's not over and ducks. The 9-incher hits him right at the base of the neck, mushroom tip first, just above his shirt collar. It falls to the floor with a loud thump.
My partner never looked back, never said anything. He walked out of the room, down the stairs, out the door, past the BF, got in his patrol car, and drove to the station to shower. I repacked the toy bag, talked to the BF, and left.
I bought dinner and coffee for my partner for two weeks. I did not go on calls with him for a month for fear of retribution. I replaced my toothbrush in my locker the next day out of paranoia/precaution.
mandi
Well-Known Member
Can I do an Ask @davidcarson48 ?
Why is it that people think a regular crosswalk, and a crosswalk at a stop light are the same thing?
Signed,
This annoys me every single day.
Why is it that people think a regular crosswalk, and a crosswalk at a stop light are the same thing?
Signed,
This annoys me every single day.
was going to comment, changed mind.
The Heckler
You bring new meaning to the term SUCK
You are a monster. THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
I hate this too. But it's a lack of understanding. A mid-block crosswalk is totally different than a crosswalk controlled by a traffic signal. Pedestrians at a traffic signal gotta follow the rules, too.
I consistently wrote one of our local drug dealers for jaywalking while I was on bike patrol a few years ago. It got to a point where he'd wait on foot at a light at 4am in case I was around. Too bad he's locked up now. He was fun.
qclabrat
Well-Known Member
in the US, folks here are way more compliant than say Asia
at any given moment at crosswalks and anywhere in between expect a darting pedestrian
i can't believe China's still overpopulated with that behavior (I was born there so can rant)
unfortunately I also see that habit each time I'm out in Chinatown
people don't seem to understand that a 3000lb car is likely to hurt you if you decide to jump out into traffic without looking
at any given moment at crosswalks and anywhere in between expect a darting pedestrian
i can't believe China's still overpopulated with that behavior (I was born there so can rant)
unfortunately I also see that habit each time I'm out in Chinatown
people don't seem to understand that a 3000lb car is likely to hurt you if you decide to jump out into traffic without looking
