No problem, I'm just a cry baby
Anyway, the front wheel drive (FWD) Passat GLX and the (usually) rear wheel drive (RWD) 5 series really only share country of origin in terms of what they have in common. Do you have a preference for one drivetrain over another? Do you drive north in winter, do you think you may need an AWD car? I am a fan of RWD in road cars, but I would not write off FWD just the same. FWD may be crap for race cars but it's fine in the real world.
In terms of giggles for dollars I'd say that three of the most entertaining cars on the market are FWD, the Mini Cooper S, VW GTI and the Mazda Speed 3. You've expressed a desire for a larger sedan though. You seem to have a bias towards European brands, and there is nothing wrong with that. Of the prestige European brands I'd rate the Audi A6 as a better competitor to the 5 series than the passat. Audi's come with great interiors, AWD safety and inert (dull) steering. Unless you are going to be buying an RS badged Q-car I'd only consider Audi if your idea of "fun" driving is going "fast" in a straight line.
Back to BMW, I've had a couple of E36 (3 series) and a couple of E28's (old 5 series). I doubt you are going to go that far back in the history books but my observations based on ownership of those cars is that they are fun to drive on a daily basis, mechanically sound but have fragile electronics. We (well my SO) had a BMW 545i for a couple of years and it was a nice car to get around in. I drove it from NJ to the Florida Keys a couple of times and it got me there in good time and in plenty of comfort. It never let us down mechanically but it's i-drive system was a pain in the ass and it had little electronic gremlins that popped up now and then. It had far superior steering feel to any audi I've driven and it's huge contact patch made for as much real world grip as a skinny tired subaru wrx.
I brought up Volvo because they offer some of the same European style as the BMW and Audi, but in a more status-neutral way. They have a great reputation for safety, their dealerships will treat you well and in the S60R and V70R they offer performance on a par with an M or S car from BMW and Audi respectivley. If I was shopping for a car right now I'd take a long look at a CPO'd V70R.
Luke brought up the Lexus and other "prestige" marques from Japan. Personally I find them all a bit too clinical in their execution. They won't let you down, but they'll never thrill you either. A good example is the G35. A friend of mine had one that he loaned me for a day recently. It did everything well enough, but lacked character when push came to shove. It's steering had a real dead feeling on either side of dead center. I guess they engineered that into the steering so you wouldn't wander into a guardrail on the highway if your concentration lapsed. Personally I like the challenge of a car that had some teeth, so that would exclude those cars for me.
That brings me back to Subaru, and the legacy GT or Spec B. It is the same size as the 5 series and passat. It's interior is decent. It will understeer like every subaru, but offers more road feed back than either the BMW or the VW as it's AWD is mechanical not electronic. It has grip for days and the GT and Spec B model have more power than you really NEED, not to mention that the 2.5 motor if veeery tunable should you decide to get silly with the checkbook. If you narrow down some of the things you like in the cars you are considering I'll happily weigh in with more of my over-inflated opinions!