1speed
Incredibly profound yet fantastically flawed
A few days ago, @Norm mentioned we could use more stories over in the Strava thread after I mentioned the story about Wissahickon's Poop Chute. I thought of that statement last night after another interesting encounter in Wissahickon that got me thinking ... I've been riding/racing bikes for over 20 years now and in that time I've had almost too many weird/interesting/scary/great things happen out in the woods to even count. And I'm sure many of the folks who use this forum can probably say the same. If it's stories we want, I'd think collectively we have more than enough to fill the demand. I'm not sure how frequently I could post my own nowadays (being a highly regarded data monkey who everyone ignores when it comes down to decision time takes up a lot of time) but I'm sure I can throw one or two out there now and again. But I'd encourage everyone else to share their own. I'm sure we've all got some good ones. At any rate, I'll kick it off with last night's encounter, which should probably be called "Karen Goes Jogging" ...
Last night I got to Wiss around 4:30 and decided that I'd start a loop clockwise from the Inn. That meant starting out cold on the climb across the creek (fuck starting that climb cold, by the way) and heading out to the Cresheim section right away. For those who don't know Wiss, the ride out is on a series of very short techy bumps with bonus features like vertical rebar (seriously) sticking up to ensure that screwing up probably means, best case scenario, a trip to the ER. As a SSer, I am "respectful" of this section (i.e., scared shitless) so I go cautiously slow in many spots. There is one section where a trail from the neighborhood above comes in to meet the main trail. Last night, as I was approaching that intersection, a jogger (a woman in about her mid-fifties or so) was coming down to my left. She beat me to the intersection and I called out "rider back" and got no response. This is pretty typical - she was wearing headphones - so I said it again a little louder and she heard me this time and moved to the side and stopped. I smiled and nodded as I passed her and called back "Thank you!" as I went by. But a couple of beats later, she yells, "By the way, you're welcome, asshole." I stopped and turned around - I was about 100 feet ahead of her at this point. I said, "I DID say thanks." And she says, "Not loud enough, asshole." (Again with the "asshole"??) So I just laughed and started to ride away, but she's not done - she started yelling, "You can't go any faster than that? You're pathetic." and "You're so ugly." I started to crack up and was laughing when I looked back at her again and this really set her off: "You're so fucking ugly, you asshole!" (Okay, lady - I get it: I'm an asshole who is ugly. Can we move on?) So she keeps yelling this stuff, so now I decide that I'm going to have some fun, so I start going REALLY slow so she can catch up. She is starting to come up behind me and starts saying, "I could probably pass you, you're so weak!" This is just making my night at this point. So a few more comments about my relative lack of good looks and my insufficiency as a rider, and I finally just turn around, stop and say, "Would you like to speak to my manager, Karen?" She has no idea what this means and says, "You're too stupid to know my name isn't Karen, asshole." (Apparently, she doesn't have much experience with this whole "internet" thingy.) The thing is, she's not even trying to hide her naked contempt in any way. Imagine someone speaking in a tone where you can tell they're trying as hard as they can to make their words hurt you. This lady was sneering every word. And all of this happened in like one minute. At this point, I'm coming to the bridge that leads me out to cross Lincoln Drive to access the actual Cresheim section, so I figure our magical moment of kismet is about to, sadly, come to an end. So I stop one more time, turn around and say, "I can't believe all your anger is about me because, well, we just met and it usually takes people at least a couple of days to get THIS angry with me, so I have to ask ... Karen, who hurt you?" She had also stopped when I did (perhaps because it dawned on her that screaming at a dude she doesn't know in the woods when no one else is around is probably not a great idea), but when I say that, her face twists into pure rage and she screams, "Fuck you, asshole!" And with that, our brief affair ended. Philadelphia is a magical place.
Last night I got to Wiss around 4:30 and decided that I'd start a loop clockwise from the Inn. That meant starting out cold on the climb across the creek (fuck starting that climb cold, by the way) and heading out to the Cresheim section right away. For those who don't know Wiss, the ride out is on a series of very short techy bumps with bonus features like vertical rebar (seriously) sticking up to ensure that screwing up probably means, best case scenario, a trip to the ER. As a SSer, I am "respectful" of this section (i.e., scared shitless) so I go cautiously slow in many spots. There is one section where a trail from the neighborhood above comes in to meet the main trail. Last night, as I was approaching that intersection, a jogger (a woman in about her mid-fifties or so) was coming down to my left. She beat me to the intersection and I called out "rider back" and got no response. This is pretty typical - she was wearing headphones - so I said it again a little louder and she heard me this time and moved to the side and stopped. I smiled and nodded as I passed her and called back "Thank you!" as I went by. But a couple of beats later, she yells, "By the way, you're welcome, asshole." I stopped and turned around - I was about 100 feet ahead of her at this point. I said, "I DID say thanks." And she says, "Not loud enough, asshole." (Again with the "asshole"??) So I just laughed and started to ride away, but she's not done - she started yelling, "You can't go any faster than that? You're pathetic." and "You're so ugly." I started to crack up and was laughing when I looked back at her again and this really set her off: "You're so fucking ugly, you asshole!" (Okay, lady - I get it: I'm an asshole who is ugly. Can we move on?) So she keeps yelling this stuff, so now I decide that I'm going to have some fun, so I start going REALLY slow so she can catch up. She is starting to come up behind me and starts saying, "I could probably pass you, you're so weak!" This is just making my night at this point. So a few more comments about my relative lack of good looks and my insufficiency as a rider, and I finally just turn around, stop and say, "Would you like to speak to my manager, Karen?" She has no idea what this means and says, "You're too stupid to know my name isn't Karen, asshole." (Apparently, she doesn't have much experience with this whole "internet" thingy.) The thing is, she's not even trying to hide her naked contempt in any way. Imagine someone speaking in a tone where you can tell they're trying as hard as they can to make their words hurt you. This lady was sneering every word. And all of this happened in like one minute. At this point, I'm coming to the bridge that leads me out to cross Lincoln Drive to access the actual Cresheim section, so I figure our magical moment of kismet is about to, sadly, come to an end. So I stop one more time, turn around and say, "I can't believe all your anger is about me because, well, we just met and it usually takes people at least a couple of days to get THIS angry with me, so I have to ask ... Karen, who hurt you?" She had also stopped when I did (perhaps because it dawned on her that screaming at a dude she doesn't know in the woods when no one else is around is probably not a great idea), but when I say that, her face twists into pure rage and she screams, "Fuck you, asshole!" And with that, our brief affair ended. Philadelphia is a magical place.