holiday stress
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tommyjay
Not-So-Venerable Asshat
In a grand effort to relieve holiday stress once and for all, I made an announcement over Thanksgiving dinner to the family (both mine and the in-laws) that everyone 18 and over is being cut-off from exchanging gifts and that I will no longer run around like a maniac trying to please everyone just for the sake of it.
Surprisingly, IT DID NOT WORK!
It got so bad in my family that my brother-in-law not only e-mails a wish list to everyone - he has progressed to the point of suggesting who should purchase which item! Then he went out to buy me something anyway and called to let me know that he ignored my wishes. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I refuse to open it or reciprocate.
You can call me a heartless scrooge, but the holidays (the commercial non-religious part of it anyway) is for the kids, period. I spent two nights shopping for my two boys and their cousins (and of course mom is getting her Ipod). Done! This year we are opening presents at home and sitting around in our pajamas all day playing with the kids' new toys... I just hope my wife is talking to me again by then.
I am totally with you on this. Holidays = kids. When I was a kid, I always remember resenting going to relatives for Christmas day. The day went like this: here's all this great new stuff you can play with, but not until tomorrow, because today you'll have to:
(1) put on some uncomfortable, itchy clothes (including dress shoes that are a half size too small because you were so inconsiderate as to grow since Easter when we bought them, and a clip on tie for good measure)
(2) sit through a ridiculously long mass with a 10+ hour homily that means nothing
(3) sit in the car (in your stupid, uncomfortable clothes) all the way to Bergen county (the yucky part near the Stinkin Lincoln, not the nice part near the GWB)
(4) see all your cousins' cool new toys so you can wish even more that you were at home
(5) Whine until you're allowed to change into your Toughskins and a t-shirt
(6) Dinner. Ho-hum except for those yummy Pepperidge farm dinner rolls
(7) Dessert. Lone high point of the day.
(8) Get home too late to play with toys.
I REFUSE to subject my kids to this.
My family now is cool. Real low pressure about the gift thing. Moms and kids get gifts. My wife gets one or two. Siblings get nothing, nor do they expect it.
I would politely refuse to accept what your brother in law got you. You made your intentions clear at Thanksgiving - ppl should respect your wishes.
My wife's uncle refuses to accept gifts for all occasions - in turn, he doesn't give gifts either. He's a psychiatrist, so he's more off center than most, but I really like this idea.
This season has been great for me.
My entire circle of family and friends all agreed to forego gifts this year. My girlfriend told me exactly what she wanted, which I've had since October. The house decorations are simple, classic and nowhere near over-the-top.
I think if more people stepped back and looked at the non-religious aspect of Christmas, they'd follow my lead and enjoy relaxing while the rest of the country went bananas.
My entire circle of family and friends all agreed to forego gifts this year. My girlfriend told me exactly what she wanted, which I've had since October. The house decorations are simple, classic and nowhere near over-the-top.
I think if more people stepped back and looked at the non-religious aspect of Christmas, they'd follow my lead and enjoy relaxing while the rest of the country went bananas.
NJ-XC-Justin
KY-DH-Freddy
I experience this myself. What I do is I get the little things out of the way -- the dishes, laundry etc. I find when I actually lend a hand with that stuff the wife is much more relaxed and can focus on the fact that we have sixty dollars to spend on 30 gifts.
Another option is to drink copiously, the entire season. I don't recommend this, nor do I practice it. But it is an option.
I think all the "I hate Christmas" stuff is a little ridiculous. Like everything in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Put in the right attitude/effort, get out a great experience. If someone you know defines their Christmas on buying everyone a gift, I suggest accepting it gracefully and giving something nominal back in return. If you refuse something, that can be taken as an absolute rejection. While it may seem like an ideal to refuse to partake, think of the effect it has on others. Don't be someone else's buzzkill.
If you don't know what to do to help your SO, try this. Ask, "What can I do to help?" Don't wait until either of you are mad or frustrated. Do it before any situation escalates. And when you get an answer, follow through. Then ask how you can help further. You'd be surprised how often it actually works.
Another thing to keep in mind, though this is very hard to get a lot of people to agree to, is that any event that runs absolutely perfectly will be forgotten in no time. Remember that Easter where the ham was cooked perfectly and nobody got drunk and none of the kids ripped anyone's hair out and the day went perfectly? No, neither do I. Remember that time the turkey caught fire and then your uncle grabbed your other aunt's ass and she socked him in there eye? Man, those were the good times.
I think all the "I hate Christmas" stuff is a little ridiculous. Like everything in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Put in the right attitude/effort, get out a great experience. If someone you know defines their Christmas on buying everyone a gift, I suggest accepting it gracefully and giving something nominal back in return. If you refuse something, that can be taken as an absolute rejection. While it may seem like an ideal to refuse to partake, think of the effect it has on others. Don't be someone else's buzzkill.
If you don't know what to do to help your SO, try this. Ask, "What can I do to help?" Don't wait until either of you are mad or frustrated. Do it before any situation escalates. And when you get an answer, follow through. Then ask how you can help further. You'd be surprised how often it actually works.
Another thing to keep in mind, though this is very hard to get a lot of people to agree to, is that any event that runs absolutely perfectly will be forgotten in no time. Remember that Easter where the ham was cooked perfectly and nobody got drunk and none of the kids ripped anyone's hair out and the day went perfectly? No, neither do I. Remember that time the turkey caught fire and then your uncle grabbed your other aunt's ass and she socked him in there eye? Man, those were the good times.
Not that I am saying "I hate Christmas." In fact, a couple years ago I went nuts and bought my best friends everything from a 1970 Schwinn Cotton Picker to a set of 5-star Henckels knives. Though financially ridiculous, it was a lot of fun.
As with many, I need to watch my nickels and dimes these days, as do many others around me. We care about and love each other, and there's no sense putting ourselves into debt that'll take 6 months to dig out of to represent it with gifts.
Sometimes, logic is more important.
I wasn't pointing out you, or anyone for that matter. Just a general vibe you get when you read some comments in series.
I'm not suggesting otherwise. When it comes down to it, there are usually only a few insistent people you need to appease. A pair of $20 Amazon gift cards isn't going to break the bank.
I'm not suggesting otherwise. When it comes down to it, there are usually only a few insistent people you need to appease. A pair of $20 Amazon gift cards isn't going to break the bank.
N
NiceIrishGirl
Guest
Sighs....I remember the days of having to go to Grandmas, or Aunt So and So's house and wishing I was homewith my new toys. Needless to say, my husband and I NEVER leave the house on Christmas Day, and our kids are very happy about that.
All the adults in our family agreed this year, gifts just for the kids. And, of course, I still exchange gifts with my parents.
There doesn't seem to be alot of female responses to this post. Let me add my Mommy/Wife opinion.
1. I know when things get hectic, it's always appreciated if hubby helps out with the kids. Don't wait for her to ask....just do it!!
Nothing aggravates me more than being up to my eyeballs in gift lists, wrapping paper, tape and gifts, and one of the kids asks ME to get them a drink, or something to eat, while Daddy is dozing in front of the TV.
2. Even better, take the kids OUT for some lunch and shopping for Mommy's gift. She'll get some much needed quiet time and will probably be much less stressed when you get home.
3. Stay out of the way...I cannot stress this enough. Just let her do what she has to do.
She may be stressed, but there is a very sweet end to all of this.
After all, it's Christmas.
All the adults in our family agreed this year, gifts just for the kids. And, of course, I still exchange gifts with my parents.
There doesn't seem to be alot of female responses to this post. Let me add my Mommy/Wife opinion.
1. I know when things get hectic, it's always appreciated if hubby helps out with the kids. Don't wait for her to ask....just do it!!
Nothing aggravates me more than being up to my eyeballs in gift lists, wrapping paper, tape and gifts, and one of the kids asks ME to get them a drink, or something to eat, while Daddy is dozing in front of the TV.
2. Even better, take the kids OUT for some lunch and shopping for Mommy's gift. She'll get some much needed quiet time and will probably be much less stressed when you get home.
3. Stay out of the way...I cannot stress this enough. Just let her do what she has to do.
She may be stressed, but there is a very sweet end to all of this.
After all, it's Christmas.
C
CultureCouture
Guest
I'm suddenly less stressed!
Wow, being single and having no family in the states might not be such a bad thing this holiday after all. Chinese take-out never looked so good.
Wow, being single and having no family in the states might not be such a bad thing this holiday after all. Chinese take-out never looked so good.
bozizle
Active Member
3. Stay out of the way...I cannot stress this enough. Just let her do what she has to do.
After all, it's Christmas.[/QUOTE]
Good advice and I follow this one closely....I stay in my basement drinking great beer and playing XBOX and listening to Dead albums and whatever other things I can't normally get away with for extended periods of time.
After all, it's Christmas.
[/QUOTE]Good advice and I follow this one closely....I stay in my basement drinking great beer and playing XBOX and listening to Dead albums and whatever other things I can't normally get away with for extended periods of time.
Sircrashalot
New Member
No kids yet here, but I still do stuff for the kids....including me!
I actually enjoy putting up the lights outside. I put on corny old Christmas music & take my time with it, and think of good memories from past years. I have a real tree. We put goofy antlers on the dog & go to the tree farm, have hot chocolate & mosey around. I put on corny Christmas music & trim it up, then lug it into the house.
My wife has all the ornaments in little boxes. I put the lights on the tree while she starts opening the boxes. the ornaments are not overkill, they are gifts from friends & family, and ones we have picked up when traveling together. She loves it.
Then I put the train around the tree...the same train I used to play with for hours when I was a kid. I leave it on, going slow, so it does the clackety sound without being too loud. It's relaxing.
We shop a little bit here & there, and some online. We break it up with a nice dinner, or a nice lunch. Its fun. This year we cut back too, like everyone. I am overly friendly to people at the registers in the stores, and keep good spirits. I crack jokes...we have fun.
On Christmas eve we go to a beautiful candlelight service with carols and amazing singing. It's beautiful. Then we sit by a fire & talk with our family & drink wine & hot cider.
If I looked at it all as obligations it would be misery.....I just go with the flow, and keep the 'holiday spirit'. I get to things when I get to them, no pressure. It feels like Christmas....and I feel bad for anyone who isn't able to get that feeling from carols & trees & lights & church & memories & giving gifts to people that may not be expensive but show that you actually know them...to me these things are all good things......and I am a grumpy SOB the rest of the year...ask my wife! Merry Christmas everybody!!!
I actually enjoy putting up the lights outside. I put on corny old Christmas music & take my time with it, and think of good memories from past years. I have a real tree. We put goofy antlers on the dog & go to the tree farm, have hot chocolate & mosey around. I put on corny Christmas music & trim it up, then lug it into the house.
My wife has all the ornaments in little boxes. I put the lights on the tree while she starts opening the boxes. the ornaments are not overkill, they are gifts from friends & family, and ones we have picked up when traveling together. She loves it.
Then I put the train around the tree...the same train I used to play with for hours when I was a kid. I leave it on, going slow, so it does the clackety sound without being too loud. It's relaxing.
We shop a little bit here & there, and some online. We break it up with a nice dinner, or a nice lunch. Its fun. This year we cut back too, like everyone. I am overly friendly to people at the registers in the stores, and keep good spirits. I crack jokes...we have fun.
On Christmas eve we go to a beautiful candlelight service with carols and amazing singing. It's beautiful. Then we sit by a fire & talk with our family & drink wine & hot cider.
If I looked at it all as obligations it would be misery.....I just go with the flow, and keep the 'holiday spirit'. I get to things when I get to them, no pressure. It feels like Christmas....and I feel bad for anyone who isn't able to get that feeling from carols & trees & lights & church & memories & giving gifts to people that may not be expensive but show that you actually know them...to me these things are all good things......and I am a grumpy SOB the rest of the year...ask my wife! Merry Christmas everybody!!!
holy god, my wife's sisters husband did the EXACT thing to his aunts and uncles. specific list, by kid, what he thought they should get. i was blown away by the audacity of it.
how in the hell do you get away with this brad? really?
the BFJ christmas is a little of everything: low stress morning, medium stress afternoon, high stress evening mellowed by either several jack and waters or long trail double bags.
i too had the 'too long mass, too much travel, not enough being a kid' christmas when i was a kid. i simply will not subject my girls to that. i want wrapping paper everywhere, boxes thrown about and happy kids. that makes mommy happy too, so it's all good.
as for the standard stress stuff, well, try having a wife that's going into her ninth month of pregnancy RIGHT NOW. i can do zero right, but i keep trying. someday (maybe) i'll figure it all out.
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mfennell
Well-Known Member
Very little holiday stress here. My family is pretty small and scattered all about. We join my aunt and her children in CT on Christmas day, so there's a little driving, but not too much pain.
We host much of my wife's family on Christmas Eve and the plan for the last couple years has been a $20 gift swap for the adults. It's just great. We set up a PC with a camera to let the west coast escapees join in.
My mother in law brings her awesome lobster sauce for pasta, my wife and I handle appetizers, wine appears from nowhere, and a fun time is had by all. Or at least by me.
And my wife announced a $24 limit for gifts to each other this year. I think I'm geting a DVD...
We host much of my wife's family on Christmas Eve and the plan for the last couple years has been a $20 gift swap for the adults. It's just great. We set up a PC with a camera to let the west coast escapees join in.
My mother in law brings her awesome lobster sauce for pasta, my wife and I handle appetizers, wine appears from nowhere, and a fun time is had by all. Or at least by me.
And my wife announced a $24 limit for gifts to each other this year. I think I'm geting a DVD...
N
NiceIrishGirl
Guest
Your Christmas sounds like a Hallmark card that came to life.....thanks for sharing.
Merry Christmas.
Sircrashalot
New Member
Your Christmas sounds like a Hallmark card that came to life.....thanks for sharing.
Merry Christmas.
Not really...my family is dysfunctional like everyones..and all the usual stuff people freak about goes on....I just put a positive spin on it and have fun. And believe me I am not that kind of person. I am a crabby SOB! All the 'crap' that comes with the holidays is actually fun & nice in the right amount, people just OD on too much of it!
N
NiceIrishGirl
Guest
Well, you might be a crabby SOB, but it sounds like you find a way to enjoy the holidays....sorta like the Grinch. Your heart grows 3 sizes that day...
bozizle
Active Member
HAHAHA Jake good point I really do get away with too much and basically my wife takes care of 2 children.....Nicole and I know sometimes you need space and I just happened to make sure the basement was stocked with everything a guy could need to keep entertained for days. So when all the holidays and whatever else is happening at my house gets her stressed I know not to add fuel on the fire....just disapear downstairs
