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Saxon hill has plenty of beginner-friendly stuff. Sunny Hollow used to be better until 9/11.

One won't really do it all...

Walk into bike shop. "What's up?" Describe issue. Bike being worked on removed from stand, my bike put on stand, problem addressed. "What do I owe you? "Five bucks?" Handing the mechanic a twenty, "This is a five dollar bill."

I like the "never cleaned it going..." stuff. Then one day...

Pay a dealer to set the original keys up correctly and toss the stuff you just wasted your money and time on.

Hand pump.

Aterciopelados?

You could try Cartel de Santa...

It is, however, an obscenity.

Now suffering from being Elongated?

No, it sidled away, whining piteously.

Screwing around trying to true the rear wheel.

If it's not a GIF, no.

He went postal.

I get down on the ground with aggressive dogs, initially keeping the bike between me and them. Folks walking dogs of that ilk unleashed are idiots.

That rings true.

Tsali also has on site camping, so you can ride one set, sleep, ride the other.

Can you ex spline that to me?

Nice chainring on that one...