The Heckle Report

Patrick

Overthinking the draft from the basement already
Staff member
Wait, you actually own a sleeveless jersey?

i have a onesie. Look like an overstuffed sausage.
really embarrassing, but it is sport specific clothing. meaning one can swim in it......
 

Dutch Frog

Member
I'll check Amazon to see if I can get prime shipping on a jersey with Chippendale style sleeves in time for Nittany.

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that would be too good
 

The Heckler

You bring new meaning to the term SUCK
Race #4 - Nittany Day 1

MUDMUDMUDMUD

Mud was the name of the game on Saturday. This is my 3rd year racing Nittany and my first in wet weather. The previous years had been hot dry and fast.

I got to the venue around 12:15. I pulled the bike off the car and dropped into the MTBNJ/EE tent complex with my extra wheels and magic race bag. I feel like the CX Mary Poppins lugging that bag around. I aired up the Fangos since they were on the bike and was ready to preride just in time for them to announce “get off the course we are setting up for the little Belgians race.” Oooof.

I sat around for a few socializing with the CREW and ended up jumping on the top field section to see what’s up. It was getting MUDDDYYYYY! The early races cut the grass away on the race lines leaving bare slick mud on the insides.

CUE LIMUS. I broke out the mud tires which on the major tom wheelset. The hubs are Sram X-9 and for some reason the rear hub is different from my other older X.9 hub on my clincher wheelset which is fully interchangeable with the CK hub. With the Limus wheel I need to change the brake offset AND the limits on the derailleur which is a huge pain in the ass, I need to see if I can rework that hub with spacers or something.

As loose as the course was there was plenty of traction to be had in the outside lines. The Limus’ really provide a lot of traction. They are great until the straight then the rolling resistance makes you want to ride your bike to the nearest trash compactor and take up fly fishing. I rode the down and up mud challenge horseshoe feature twice before the elites but two more races would change the entire course dynamics. The mud bog feature behind the track was wet and sticky but manageable with one bad decision line and one that wasn’t too bad line.

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We lined up, I was gifted 602 for my MAC standing last year which earned me front row next to Sean B, Sean C, Mike P, Chris P, JP and some other really fast guys. @Delish gave us a serious rundown with the tips to stay wide and pedal the corners. He said everyone ran the mud horseshoe in his race. My mother and Aunt Dee were set up by the rail when I turned to see Maureen on the opposite side waving at me! She figured out where the race was on her own through google to Bike Reg and when the start time was and drove out an hour 15 to totally surprise me. I had no idea she was coming and it felt really really good to see her there.

30 SECONDS

(what must have been 29.15 seconds)

GREEN LIGHT!

I stepped on my pedal and took 2 hard cranks before I clipped in. 3rd wheel into the 180 right hander, inside line. Second Wheel. Through the start finish, uphill right hander with ¼ of the laps elevation gain by the tent, loose left around the tree with roots, open right over the gravel road. WIDE 180 left hander, very slick. The top field complex is a series of 180 degree twisting turns. They were VERY loose on the inside. You come down back down the hill for a second only to dismount and run a muddy slick stair set back to the top field.

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I recall reading a rule where any stair feature is supposed to have a traction material. There did not, and the wood was hella slick. They were really “stairs” as the landings were loose mud. A few more 180s into the big straight away that goes up the field, 90 degree into another power straight into the woods complex which has a series of 3 - 180 degree corners with NO grass to be had. Hyper slick, braaap city. Out of the woods to the muddy horseshoe feature. I believe this is where I passed Chris P. He rode the outside, I broke late, rolled down the right with a leg over the bike, dismounted at the bottom and ripped up the hill.

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While on the front I was trying to keep the pace moderate. I’m not a flat course guy, and the spongy straights would ultimately destroy me. I wasn’t the fastest through the corners but I know I make few mistakes and I was better off not behind sloppy riders. I think I led until about 1.5 to go when someone passed me going into the woods. A couple more guys may have gotten by then and they ripped away as we passed the pit. Up on the top field things were really messy. I had guys trying to pass on the inside, slipping and unclipping and I pedaled the outside smooth around them. Enough power to stay in front on the straights, then it continued.

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With one to go I more or less blew up. I had raced a clean race with no crashes or tripods but was out of energy. The two guys ahead of me just pulled away. I had a huge gap to the next guy which was cut in half but I held onto 6th, which I didn’t know until the next day because as I finished there was a thunder roll and the skies opened up 3 minutes later. No one really stuck around.

Looking back I still suck at corning in the muck. I just don’t have enough confidence to push. I’d rather stay conservative and upright but if I want to be competitive at this level I need to start pushing harder, it’s not enough to rely on my legs. Overall I was happy with my race. Leading as long as I did is just fun. Early I knew I had no chance of winning this field so it was never even in my head. It’s just fun to set the pace and hear your name called out. I laughed whenever I heard Joe call me out as if I may stay where I was, it was a matter of time. WET STARTS, go as hard as you can, get in front of the BS before it happens and save your energy.

Again, huge thanks to @Norm and Ken of Elite Endurance for putting me up in the team tent Klub area.

SUNDAY recap later.
 

jShort

2018 Fantasy Football Toilet Bowl Lead Technician
Team MTBNJ Halter's
How much faster can you really push through a muddy turn? I felt like being conservative and making zero mistakes, thereby saving some gas for the rest of the course worked best .
 

Pearl

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
that was the ticket. between not being fast in the mud pit, steps and the greasy u turn, i eventually ran out of bullets to fire to stay with the lead group. the turns were a game of balance, followed by easing into the throttle and onto the straight aways where you can really open it 100%.

it was an amazing race and a welcome one versus the dust bowl that usually is nittany.
 

The Heckler

You bring new meaning to the term SUCK
Race #4 - Nittany Day 2

The rain stopped early and I believe the course even got a little sun. Leaving Morristown the temperature was warm. If I was racing there it would have been short sleeves and perfect temperature. By the time we rolled up to the venue the sky was full cloud coverage and the wind was picking up. I was already cold.

A preview on limus led me to believe Fango would be acceptable for the day. Most of the corners up top were still wet bur were getting towards tacky and delicious. With almost 3 more hours of drying time the field would be perfect. I happily put the china-carbon/fango wheel set back on. I kept up my fluids intake and watched the usual trouble spots during the womans elite race. I caught the mud pit at the start and it was a spectacle to behold. I was super excited to see @seanrunnette down there and chatted for a few as a couple racers went for a swim. I picked my line visually right down the middle, then far right if possible to firm ground on the outside.

I prerode the full course (with exception to the mud pit) twice before the men's elite went off. I attempted to ride the hollowed log feature and made it over however it was really really messy. Two years ago I had kids hanging out of the trees yelling "RIDE IT, RIDE IT!!" and I did, and I messed up, and I fell and dropped my chain. It hurt and it was slow. Last year I ran it each lap about neutrally, neither gaining of losing position on the riders of the log. This year I would run it again.

The stairs made another appearance on Sunday and were of no real issue. I was happy to see the barriers put in, and if I recall correctly in a new place on the course. They had a great lead up so I could really get cooking through them. They were also about one thousand feet high. No issue for me.

Zach and I ran our second lap pretty hot. Overall things were much nicer then yesterday but with the chill and no sun the drying wasn't coming along as well as I had hoped. One corner of the woods was bermed out and really tacky, the other two were rutted out and kinda slick.

I dressed into my skin suit and was still kinda freezing. I actually even embro'd up. Totally the right call. I love that tingly burn. I did some warm up laps on the closed road paved park course across the street and finally got some heat in my body. 302 was my number and I lined up with more or less the same guys as the day before.

I don't like the light system so much. I think I may actually do better with it but it's so anticlimactic. We were off on green and I didn't have a perfect launch. I made up a few spots going wide and cutting in around the first corner right before the mud. I had two ruts directly in front of me and dumbly chose the one with less space between people because it was closer. I was holding more momentum then the guys ahead and was forced to brake. I then had to slog the last half pretty hard. I passed @BiknBen at what looked like 6th or 7th. I made my move right too late, and didn't get far enough over. Just out of Ben's frame I ran out of leg and speed and was forced to dismount. I ran to the firmer ground but the front group had gapped me 4-5 bike lengths. I was forced to chase hard to get a wheel. I felt really tired already. My heart was pinned, my legs were screaming and my breathing was already out of control. I couldn't close the gap. A couple guys passed me before the log. I went into it 3rd in my group. guy 1 and 2 rode up on the right, I swung my leg over and coasted up the left dismounting at the top on the inside. Guy 1 didn't lift his front wheel enough and endo face planted holding guy 2 up behind him. I had a wide open line on the left and ran through it. As I was coming by guy 1 the powerful force of gravity began turning the gravitational potential energy of his bicycle into kinetic energy. (Imagine the front wheel at 6:00 and the back at 12:00 with me running through 9:00) The clock ticked backwards as the wheel pivoted into me. I continued running through because I was already in full stride and probably knocked his bike back towards him. a Spectator called me out for it being a Cat 3 race. The way I experienced it was I had an open door and someone went to close it behind them but I was already halfway through so they kinda closed it into me? Literal door not racing door. I dunno if that metaphor helps my cause.. I don't like to be perceived as an asshole but I couldn't have done anything else but stop at 9:00 and still get hit by his bike. My bike was on the other side of me, I did what I could. It was $hitty timing.

Have I mentioned I like tall fast barriers? I made back a spot or two most laps going through the barriers seemingly recklessly fast. The imagery is something like this: 5'10" 150# guy coming in faster then anyone else, dismounts at the last moment, rips his 20# bike off the ground and tries to hold on as it's makeing it's way into orbit while he tears full stride to the other side doing his best to keep the bike in the troposphere. Sometimes he needs 1 extra step to wrangle his steed to mount. I know I'm going quick when I get a comment about slowing down. I must absolutely look like a run away train. I know I feel like one. Well, a runaway train with purpose.

Things were definitely going slower for me then yesterday, relative to the field. I was falling more back and felt like every straight was sucking the life out of me.

Lap 3 I decide to try running the mud. I pedaled as hard as I could down the middle rut, threw my left leg over the bike and dismounted into the puddle full stride. HOLY $HIT was I moving. got buy a couple guys and was no more tired then riding. Hugging the inside tape was the shortest route to rideable ground. Shortly after I was closing on a rider on one of the long basketball court straights. I was really feeling a surge since the mud run and I went to pass on the right I was way throttled at full effort and didn't say anything as I approached. I had plenty of lane to pass. The Garmin has me recorded at this moment doing 18.6 MPH with a 181 HR at an estimated 337 Watts (like that last metric means anything). The far right was virgin grass so I kept it a little tight to keep momentum. We began to overlap bikes he moved right just enough to overlap bars. I felt impact and looked down to see our bars tangled as we both went down. I high sided and slid away from my bike. I was lucky it was mud, I may have avoided injury. I asked if the other guys was ok, he said yes and I apologized and we both got back into it. I'm not entirely sure whose fault it was. I guess mine but the whole thing happened so fast. My hanger was slightly bent in and smooth shifting was a thing of the past. I couldn't find the gear I needed the rest of the race which really hurt.

That lap at the end of the woods I took the last corner and felt my tire fold. uh oh. It got softer and softer to the end of the 'L' power section until it was flat. I left my top 15 position and bled spots to about maybe 38 while riding a flat to the pits. The sram guys hooked my up with a wheel and I went back out full speed. Zach had just gotten by me and to say we are competitive with one another is an understatement. I make a few passes in the final mud pit crossing and get on it. I connect with a rider on a straight and go to pass, and of course he sprints me. I wait 1 more corner that he realllly messed up and go again, and he sprints me. After the 3rd messed up corner I finally get by on the outside where I connect with @HeavyMetaLance. I call an inside before a light left and saw the door about to close. I pleaded with him not to shut the door but it was too late. He asks who I was and I say Matt and he lets me through on the next corner. THANK YOU LANCE!!!!!! There is now no one between me and @Dutch Frog. We both run the log, I put my bike down into the root in the middle of the course and stuffed my nuts square into the back of my saddle. I regroup and run the stairs as hard as I could which was but a mere crawl. We are close through the woods until the last corner which I botched. He pedaled away full sprint down the straight and I couldn't connect. I made some ground in the following corners and put a good dent in over the barriers but was still back. He has 2-3 length going into the last corner and I go wide. We sprint our faces off but he held it for a ~bike length win. Good show Zach.

I rarely have technicals or crashes. I'm stoked I could finish the race and happy about the pursuit I had with Zach. In the end my crash tore my number and I'm in the results as unknown rider. Working on that.

Another great weekend of racing. SOso good to see you all out there!

tl;dr
 

Pearl

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
that crash with you and perlberg was gnarly; it was like you spawned out of a video game right on top of him.

TELL THE STORY ABOUT THE TESTICLES!
 

Pearl

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
nope, there are faster 3's then me. We are doing the A race in NJ doe. we pinky promised.
 

The Heckler

You bring new meaning to the term SUCK
that crash with you and perlberg was gnarly; it was like you spawned out of a video game right on top of him.

TELL THE STORY ABOUT THE TESTICLES!

Damn, that was Perlburg? I just met him Saturday. Not gonna get me any good doood points.

Nuts are okay! Minor direct impact.
I thought you and @pearl upgraded to Cat 2 after last season?

Did I miss something?

Turns out I didn't train enough this year and the field got faster. A local like Pearl said.
 

Pearl

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
Damn, that was Perlburg? I just met him Saturday. Not gonna get me any good doood points.

ya. i apologized to him while we staring at the light with 30 seconds to go for not being serious, then he let out a fart noise, and i giggled.
 
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