Fogerson
Former Resident Nerd
I had to go through a Normoscope, once. 'Walked funny for days...
Spring Silence: Uncoiling the Fat Dragon
- Thread starter Norm
- Start date
I had to go through a Normoscope, once. 'Walked funny for days...
$5 says if he burps, he'll lose a pound or two. and then be hungry again.
kush
Active Member
You can use the 2nd person thing as a prologue to the rest of the story to be told in 3rd person. You need to then pick an appropriately cliff-hanging and drama-infused point to switch. Like when you do your next FTP test PROPERLY.
The trick is never to revert back to 1st person. Or you may wind up having an out of body experience or turn into a talking monkey. Or a dragon.
The trick is never to revert back to 1st person. Or you may wind up having an out of body experience or turn into a talking monkey. Or a dragon.
ArmyOfNone
Well-Known Member
A dragon man!
You're disappointed that people complain about the 2nd person narrative. You ignore Jake, since he can't use proper capitalization when he writes. But hearing Ruth threaten you hurts, and finding out she didn't stick it out with the last blog makes you reconsider. You press on with the perspective, and appreciate Ilya's 2nd/3rd person suggestion. However, being a man of the people, and astoundingly vain, you decide that you may not keep the format if people don't really care for it. You do think that this perspective allows you to be more honest about yourself, as it extracts you from the core of the narrative in some strange way. Perhaps Norm should start going with the 3rd person as Jason suggested.
You also feel the need to break down the 18 pounds, though you did specify that only 9 was in Taiwan and 9 was before. You considered the blog to be something along the lines of "A Pair of 9s" but you didn't like it, and you already used the number 99 in a thread title before. Come to think of it, you also used the word Dragon in that very same thread title. You wonder how Rob is doing. He doesn't text you anymore, which is odd. You hope he's ok. You think about texting him but sit down to write anyway.
You are willing to believe Jake when he says you are going to be 180 at least with the proper amount of protein in your diet. This is why the +9 before the trip was only sort of like a +4, as you just saw 184 before you left. You had no self-control, and went into the trip with that "eat everything" mindset. You then seemed to gain 9 pounds while there, though numbers aren't always everything.
Tuesday morning you wake up at 190. You ride the trainer and do not get a flat. You wake up Wednesday at 188. Already, 5 of these 9 pounds are gone, and you're only 8 pounds away from your early season target of 180. Suddenly you think that this is realistic again for the SSaP race. You're also happy that you're now 7 pounds less than Jake, as you were about to go buy explosives and start forcing some of the fat off your body in order to stay below him.
You start a blog Wednesday to help your motivation, as you know the trainer sits there as an easy, lazy out. You hope this will get you outside again and by publicly stating how grossly obese you've gotten, you hope it also motivates you to eat less. You do not subscribe to the blog however. This is in contrast to all the other blogs you've started, and you're not sure why. Perhaps you need some disassociation from the comments.
You ride outside for 2 hours. You average 280 watts for the bulk of the 2 hour ride, only coming down towards the end. You feel this is a good number, especially given how you felt just a few days ago. You pick a hilly route but it's just not the same. You also use corrected data because you need to keep it real. The big uncorrected numbers are a lie, and you need to stop that. You go 34 miles with 2300 feet of vertical and average about 17 mph. You're happy with that, especially as the uncorrected number is 2800. You realize that you will need to speak uncorrected even if you use corrected, because most people use that. You decide to keep the corrected number, as it puts the climbs in Taiwan into proper perspective.
You feel good on the ride, and for the first real disciplined ride since CX season you think that it went very well. You can feel that it's hard to sustain those hard efforts for too long, which is to be expected and should come back soon. The last hill was tough for you, and your average power actually went down a hair while climbing it. This puts your ability to press that pace around 1:40, which is probably when your glycogen stores died. Since you ate nothing on the ride you can't expect to have pop the entire time.
You're afraid of the cold still, but because you're an idiot you wear summer shoes. Your feet are fine. You also wear spring gloves and by the end of the ride your hands are completely devoid of feeling. You get home and you cannot feel anything for 10 minutes, and do not regain full sensation for 30 minutes. You had a good ride, otherwise. You saw a fox, which may be common here but you always marvel at for some reason. This one was nice and healthy looking, as opposed to most of them which look pretty ratty when seen in the day time.
You love the light bike, it almost feels too light at times. You don't love the crazy amount of gravel on all the corners and the potholes.
You like the overall response of the blog when you get back. Pearl gave it a 7 because he's young, and doesn't understand. He's also mad that his first comments was over 20 minutes and yours was 2. His comrade Dustin speaks one of the truest things in life. It's so hard to remember a lie that it's really not worth lying.
You love the reference to the Empire Strikes Back. You also love Fred's pic of Trogdor, and think that everyone should know the story of Trogdor. On that note, you like the techno email as well.
You spent almost an hour Thursday morning writing the next installment, which only backs up the idea that you need to not do this every day. You also see that this got rather long, and with no bold words nor pictures, it's going to be difficult to read.
You also want to take the opportunity to note that, at least as far as eating habits goes, the one good thing to come of the Taiwan trip is that you kicked the diet soda habit, which is a shame for Walter since, despite your preference for regular Coke over Pepsi, you prefer Diet Pepsi over Diet Coke.
You like Ilya's suggestion for a cliffhanger, so you will wait for the next installment to say what the scale said when you stepped on it Thursday morning.
You also feel the need to break down the 18 pounds, though you did specify that only 9 was in Taiwan and 9 was before. You considered the blog to be something along the lines of "A Pair of 9s" but you didn't like it, and you already used the number 99 in a thread title before. Come to think of it, you also used the word Dragon in that very same thread title. You wonder how Rob is doing. He doesn't text you anymore, which is odd. You hope he's ok. You think about texting him but sit down to write anyway.
You are willing to believe Jake when he says you are going to be 180 at least with the proper amount of protein in your diet. This is why the +9 before the trip was only sort of like a +4, as you just saw 184 before you left. You had no self-control, and went into the trip with that "eat everything" mindset. You then seemed to gain 9 pounds while there, though numbers aren't always everything.
Tuesday morning you wake up at 190. You ride the trainer and do not get a flat. You wake up Wednesday at 188. Already, 5 of these 9 pounds are gone, and you're only 8 pounds away from your early season target of 180. Suddenly you think that this is realistic again for the SSaP race. You're also happy that you're now 7 pounds less than Jake, as you were about to go buy explosives and start forcing some of the fat off your body in order to stay below him.
You start a blog Wednesday to help your motivation, as you know the trainer sits there as an easy, lazy out. You hope this will get you outside again and by publicly stating how grossly obese you've gotten, you hope it also motivates you to eat less. You do not subscribe to the blog however. This is in contrast to all the other blogs you've started, and you're not sure why. Perhaps you need some disassociation from the comments.
You ride outside for 2 hours. You average 280 watts for the bulk of the 2 hour ride, only coming down towards the end. You feel this is a good number, especially given how you felt just a few days ago. You pick a hilly route but it's just not the same. You also use corrected data because you need to keep it real. The big uncorrected numbers are a lie, and you need to stop that. You go 34 miles with 2300 feet of vertical and average about 17 mph. You're happy with that, especially as the uncorrected number is 2800. You realize that you will need to speak uncorrected even if you use corrected, because most people use that. You decide to keep the corrected number, as it puts the climbs in Taiwan into proper perspective.
You feel good on the ride, and for the first real disciplined ride since CX season you think that it went very well. You can feel that it's hard to sustain those hard efforts for too long, which is to be expected and should come back soon. The last hill was tough for you, and your average power actually went down a hair while climbing it. This puts your ability to press that pace around 1:40, which is probably when your glycogen stores died. Since you ate nothing on the ride you can't expect to have pop the entire time.
You're afraid of the cold still, but because you're an idiot you wear summer shoes. Your feet are fine. You also wear spring gloves and by the end of the ride your hands are completely devoid of feeling. You get home and you cannot feel anything for 10 minutes, and do not regain full sensation for 30 minutes. You had a good ride, otherwise. You saw a fox, which may be common here but you always marvel at for some reason. This one was nice and healthy looking, as opposed to most of them which look pretty ratty when seen in the day time.
You love the light bike, it almost feels too light at times. You don't love the crazy amount of gravel on all the corners and the potholes.
You like the overall response of the blog when you get back. Pearl gave it a 7 because he's young, and doesn't understand. He's also mad that his first comments was over 20 minutes and yours was 2. His comrade Dustin speaks one of the truest things in life. It's so hard to remember a lie that it's really not worth lying.
You love the reference to the Empire Strikes Back. You also love Fred's pic of Trogdor, and think that everyone should know the story of Trogdor. On that note, you like the techno email as well.
You spent almost an hour Thursday morning writing the next installment, which only backs up the idea that you need to not do this every day. You also see that this got rather long, and with no bold words nor pictures, it's going to be difficult to read.
You also want to take the opportunity to note that, at least as far as eating habits goes, the one good thing to come of the Taiwan trip is that you kicked the diet soda habit, which is a shame for Walter since, despite your preference for regular Coke over Pepsi, you prefer Diet Pepsi over Diet Coke.
You like Ilya's suggestion for a cliffhanger, so you will wait for the next installment to say what the scale said when you stepped on it Thursday morning.
Dusty the Whale
Mr.Chainsaw
I like the Fight Club format and think race recaps are going to be intense
you're still fat.
kimrey
New Member
I want to be on this ride.
rocknrollgirl
Well-Known Member
Maybe it was a food baby? Can boys have a food baby? I do not even know.
Maybe it was just "plane bloat". Terrible thing plane bloat.
MAYBE...it was all of the weird creatures that you consumed on your trip. MAYBE the weird creatures are exacting their revenge against your person....
maybe you drank too much beer?
Maybe it was just "plane bloat". Terrible thing plane bloat.
MAYBE...it was all of the weird creatures that you consumed on your trip. MAYBE the weird creatures are exacting their revenge against your person....
maybe you drank too much beer?
kimrey
New Member
You haven't been on your bike in 6 months, you can't keep up with fat Norm
For the first 15 minutes I could and then I would become a boat anchor in honor of all my navy sea time.
Dusty the Whale
Mr.Chainsaw
I've had countless food babies. And beer babies
Glenlivet12
Well-Known Member
A dragon man!
Trogdor nice! That is the dragon Norm aspires to be. Second person is a little weird to read but kudos for trying to stick with it.
