Now leaving: Comfort zone

Mumonkan

Well-Known Member
so we got to the summit of mingus @ 7815ft and camped
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saw a bunch of wild shit like wild hogs while taking a shit

then we came down, saw a bunch of coyotes, more hogs, finally saw some cows despite never being more than 30 feet from a cowpie the entire trip

promptly entered no-mans land
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where we quite literally almost died twice from heat-death dehydration. the desert does not fuck around.
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this cow wasnt as lucky as we were. thing was so dessicated it was petrified, you couldve made a table out of it

we ran out of water like an hr into the desert, thankfully this DOPE A.F. spring was right off the trail
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holy shit what an amazing thing water is. dont ever take it for granted.
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this guy didnt seem bothered by the heat

from Coyote Tank (all these things have names) we ripped down a powerline trail and i cut my tire on a rock. shoved a dogturd in there and smeared some krazy glue on and we were back on.

we climbed for like 83746282 miles in the roasting sun on rough primitive roads till our legs gave out then we climbed 4x as much. eventually the desert allowed us a break and let us bomb downhill for 8 miles

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it was fucking magnificent.
 

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Mumonkan

Well-Known Member
eventually we hit the low point of the route @~3300 ft, the Verde River.
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LOOK AT THIS JURASSIC GREEN SHIT!
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UNLIMITED COOL WATER!
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YESSSSSSSS!!!!
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we dunked our extra-crispy southwest recipe limbs in the water
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then made camp ON THE RIVER and fell asleep fast
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jmanic

JORBA Board Member/Chapter Leader
Staff member
JORBA.ORG
Team MTBNJ Halter's
Nice! where next?
Don't be the cow.

BiL and I kayaked the Verde in inflatable boats when it was well above flood plain a few years back. I am still amazed the rental company let unsupervised civilians out in those conditions.* We were dubbed the Verde River Swim Club when we got back. Thankfully we did.


*they were no longer in business the next year- shocker.
 

Mumonkan

Well-Known Member
day 9:

this day was probably the toughest and most dangerous. i knew already this was gonna be a key section and im not gonna lie, i was worried.

there is zero services for 30 miles in any direction, it was completely open for the sun to obliterate us all day, and it was ALL CLIMBING. after we get out of the desert were supposed to climb another mountain, except this time its 9000+ ft.

fuck.

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today has a definite lack of pictures, it was 100something° in the sun and i was at tempo pretty much all day. we were rocketed out of vacationland and swiftly entered survival mode.

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we climbed out of the valley away from the last fresh water source we would see until the end of the day. from there the only way was up. way up. we did nothing but climb for 15 miles.

the worst part is these primitive roads switchback every half mile, you think youre getting a break but it just gets steeper every time, and they fuck with your head because they dont look steep but youre climbing up 8% for miles.

huge angular primordial slabs of rock cover the road, surrounded by loose sharp chunks of lime and sandstone, sprinkled with cow shit. youre fighting for traction and control all the while trying not to die of heat stroke while you suck the lifegiving dick of your camelbak hose for the last few droplets of piss-warm liquid.

45 mins in and we were already dying. i havent looked down at my garmin to see a 2 digit number in the temperature field since this morning. i felt my cranium swelling in my helmet and the sweat coming out of every pore was drying as quickly as it came out, leaving salt crust on anything that touched skin.

we stopped under a tree for shade for half an hour before we convinced ourselves to keep going. i didnt want to get stuck out here to camp tonight so i just dug in and dialed it up to 6mph.

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the only things that live out here just want you to die violently. poison, barbs, thorns, sharp rocks, sheer cliffs, mountain lions, and water troughs for livestock that tempt you with their shit-laden giardia filled muck.

7 eternities later and my legs cant scream anymore, i have to take a break by walking up a hill. all i can think of is the desert in that movie pitch black with vin diesel, its ten million degrees with 50 suns boiling you from the inside, and all the animals just want to tear you apart.

i finally avert my eyes off the trail on an old mining operation. looks like they were mining yellow rocks to make the goldenrod yellow crayola crayons.

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i check my camelbak and i have about a liter, fuck. this is bad. i need water soon or im gonna die out here. i can literally feel myself shriveling like a giant pink raisin. i check my maps and theres two blue things coming up, gotta get there ASAP for water, hopefully theyre not dried up.

an hour later and i get to the first one. nothing. a dried up wash with a trough filled with what can only be 200 gallons of cow diarrhea. i see a square foot of shade under a bush that probably has a rattlesnake in it, so i fall off my bike and curl up under it and suck in my last gel. my stomach is kicking and punching like i have an 8 month old baby in it. i need food. i need water. goddamn it.

i get up back on the bike and im starting to feel a little dizzy, shit is getting serious. i put on my speaker and blast metal into the canyons to keep me moving at a blistering 5.3mph.

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yeah the Great Western Trail, its great. WHERES THE FUCKING WATER!? IM DYING OUT HERE. i wish i had a gun so i could shoot more holes in this prick of a sign.

3.9 miles to another tank, i gotta make that shit or im fucked. BMTH - Throne comes on, hammertime. im flying along at 6.7 mph as i turn around a bend and i see a guy hanging off his pickup inspecting something on the ground. he sees me and he gets a huge grin on his face.

"wow thats wild! hows it goin man?"
"hey...do you know the next spot with water...?"
"shit idunno, not for a while, why, are you out?"
"i have a little but not much, i think theres something coming up in about a mile but i havent been having much luck"
"well i could give you some of mine if you need it"
"holy shit that would be amazing"

he comes around and gets a gallon out of the backseat, my eyes pop out of my head like i saw my first pair of boobs. i expect him to give me maybe a liter and he fills the whole bladder up to the brim, FUCKYES!!!

dude came from tuscon to check on elk activity for the hunting season next september. dudes dedicated. they love shooting those big fuckers here in northern AZ. weve seen elk shit and tracks from day one but havent seen or heard any. hiker mike from day 3 in anderson mesa said he saw them far off in the valley but thats it.

this trail angel saved our fucking lives. Dan, you are the man!!!!

i chug down probably half of it before i even clip in and hammer down the road with more metal and cold water fueling my engine.

we climb to 6000ft and like everywhere else in this state that means you cross the invisible border to the treeline. suddenly were rolling on red soft dirt covered in pine needles, with ponderosa pines towering overhead. the shade is incredible, the sweet mountain pine air is incredible. there is more water ahead, fuckyes.

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i finally get to the tank and im blocked by a huge NO TRESSPASSING sign on a cattle gate. here you can get away with hopping a fence, but in a carry state like AZ you dont even touch that fence.

fuck.

i can see it from here and its more liquid shit anyway.

fuck.

i go back to the road and sit under a huge pine tree. i pass out for an hour and a half having crazy fever dreams about bean burritos and root beer.

we realize here that were not making it back to Flagstaff in time, and Williams Mountain another 3000ft up isnt happening. Theres a road that goes into the town of Williams and even if theres hills our progress will be faster on pavement. we could make it into town by nightfall, get food and water and figure out the rest.

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finally, an elk's bugle call marks our departure

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we drill the road home and thankfully its mostly downhill all the way into town. i get to the intersection and were on Rt66, aparently a bustling tourist town with trains of harleys brapping down the road and sick classic pickup trucks that people actually use for work and actually take care of.

i look to my right, a motel. YES!
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i look to my left, authentic mexican burrito shack. YES!

we pull into the motel and get our second key thats actually a key, we open the door and the AC is BLASTING. YES!

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idunno about you guys but i dont ever remember getting hotel room keys that werent dumb swipecards, even as a child.

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fastest shower of my life and @wyakinflow went to circle k for a gallon of water, powerade, fresh fruit, and beers. one of those beers was a root beer. fucking YES!

powerade: slammed.
rootbeer: slammed.
fruit: annihilated with primal caveman ferocity.

go nextdoor to franciscos authentic mexican, bean burrito with guac. homeade nachos and salsa, and A LARGE HORCHATA HOLY SHIT.

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ive been daydreaming about horchata for days.

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i dont even remember eating, i just remember tastes. everything was the best taste of my life. horchata was ice cold and sweet as hell, tons of cinnamon. jesus christ this is paradise.

oh and theres a coffee shop across from the motel with homeade cinnamon rolls?

all the stars have aligned. trail magic.

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Mumonkan

Well-Known Member
end of the line:

we got up around wheneverish, and it was officially decided that we were done, so we could have a couple days to reintroduce ourselves into society like a pair of parolees released into the world again.

we went across the street to that coffee shop and ordered awesome espressos and awesome breakfast, and that awesome cinnamon roll ive been dreaming of. jesus this is awesome. cute barista chick hooked it up with free sparkling water. i guess im "the type" girls want around here? or maybe i just look like a homeless dirtbag and cute girls feel sorry for us so they give us free stuff? works for me.

we went to get a uhaul, because there was no cabs and no rental cars anywhere around. everything was weird. you go to a motel, to reserve a uhaul. and the dude was from jersey. great.

"OHH new yorkers!"

all anyone had was trailers. fuck.

about half hour later worth of bullshit smalltalk about jersey, dude tracked one down 3 miles down the highway so we reserved it, and hiked down the highway like proper hobos.

picked it up from an auto parts store (more weird) from a delightful native american man. i wanted to ask what tribe his family was in but i felt like thats a dick thing to ask.

we bring the uhaul back to the motel and walked around town for chotchkeys and memorabilia

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then we went to this bomb ass brewery/restaurant. ordered up some delicious vegetarian fare, the waitress hooked us up with extra beer samplers because she was also a veg. nice!

every restaurant in this rt66 town has a guy playing music, from the moment they open to the moment they close. this place had a guy playing good classic rock jams. as we devour our food and get tipsy on delicious dark beers we reflect ln our journey, what its meant to each of us. we immediately reflect on our mothers, who have both passed away.

just then the musician starts playing wish you were here by pink floyd, one of my mothers favorite songs by one of her favorite bands. we both get kinda quiet and i start to think about how she never got to experience anything close to half the shit we did on this journey. she was part of a poor polish family with 2 brothers and 2 sisters that lived over a gas station. they couldnt afford trips far away for a family of 7, and her and my dad never had tons of money either, our big vacation every year was to Wildwood.

a tidal wave of feels rush over me and i get choked up, tears pool up in my eyeballs. i think about how she would be so happy she produced a human that actually got his shit together enough to not only go somewhere like this, but survive a trip all on our own steam.

i think about all the beautiful places and things weve seen. so many times we would crest a hill, turn around a bend, get to the bottom of a trail, and just get blasted in the face with a scene so beautiful it makes you want to smash shit and scream your lungs out. this is the greatest thing in my adult life ive ever done, and i want to have this feeling again and again. im finally turning my "someday" list into "today".

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at one of the touristy shops the girl at the counter asks if weve seen the Grand Canyon, after we say no we immediately look up how far it is and if we have time to see it. its close, like 45 mins. its on. we get back to the motel, load all our shit in this absurd box truck, check out late (we fucked this up at every motel we stayed at so far) and hit it towards a big hole in the ground.

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we park and hit the trailhead with a trail beer in our packs. because grand canyon. we get to the rim trail and i swear our shoes made a screeching sound like a truck slamming on the brakes and jacknifing.

jesus fucking christ.
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the bottom is 6000 ft below us, the north rim is 2000ft above us, and 23 miles away. people say new york city is huge but nothing, nothing compares to this. the scale of everything weve seen on this trip is just mind blowing, this is the most insane thing ive ever seen.

more feels.

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we keep going around the rim, dragging our gaping jaws across the ground as we come across a sign saying theres petroglyphs down the trail, so we go searching, but to no avail. the sun is setting now so we decide not to continue the 6hour descent into the canyon, so we can actually get to flagstaff tonight.

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we get back to the top of the rim and the sun is long gone now, we stare out into the vast purple void in front of us and notice some twinkling down below. headlamps. about a dozen headlamps from hikers making their way across the floor of the canyon, some grouped together, some flying solo. we crack our beers and watch for a while.

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dem southwest vibes.

beers down the hatch and we make our way back to the truck by half-moonlight. we talk about how rad it would be to go on the full moon rides in moab where they dont even need lights. another journey.

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next day in flagstaff we search around for serapes to no avail, the only ones we could find were $1000. i want an authentic one but i dont got it like that. whatever, ill be back.

we box up the bikes, bring em back to flag bike rev (great shop, great people!) and give em some beers and unused camping supplies for being awesome. bring the truck back, and fire up some normal clothes from REI to wear home.

back on the soldiers trail to the airport, this shit is incredible. trail access in this place is mindblowing, and tons of people are out using it, even when its raining.

just as we near the end of the trail by the airport i spot a teensy little egg nestled in the bark of a tree.
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i fucking love nature.

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finally at the airport and all the rental car places have no cars. aparently the day before was northern arizona university's graduation day, and it just fucked up the whole town. we sit down panicked trying to find a shuttle which didnt answer the phone, and now a cab which did answer, and it gonna be expensive as hell but were kindof out of options at this point. cabbie will be here in half an hour.

cute chick that was sitting at starbucks as we walked in (and the only other visible soul in this place) comes over to chat. shes looking for a way to the grand canyon, she missed the shuttle because it left early (protip: dont rely on the sky harbor shuttle). shes on her first big trip of her own to meet her friends and hike across and camp around for a week. we dole out some sage advice about what weve learned on our own crazy journey, and how she can get to town via a short trail we just took to get to good food and hostels. just then our cab comes.

Jordan, i hope you got to meet up with your friends and are having a kickass journey like we did. safe travels!


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in phil's cab who is also a native american (ive seen more native americans in the past two days than i have in my entire life combined), and he tells us we have plenty of time, even without his lead foot. music to my ears, since its 1830, our flight is at 2155, and it takes 2-3 hrs to get back to phx from flagstaff.

we fucking made it, despite some kind of traffic and having to go to the atm after the fare meter climbed well above what the two of us had in our pockets.

we get off the plane in newark and im immediately homesick. i dont belong here. my home is in arizona.

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for the last two days ive woken up in the middle of the night in a complete panic, wondering where my light is, then wait, where the fuck is my tent and why am i not in it? wheres the fire? wheres camp? what town are we in? what day is it? FUCK!!!

it takes me a good 10 minutes to calm down, its like ive reverted to a wild animal, i dont belong in society.

was my apartment always this small? why is the ceiling so low? why does it smell so weird here?

i need to get out of here. where can i go now?
 
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rick81721

Lothar
Awesome adventure - it was great reading all these updates. So how lame does it feel now to be riding back on your home turf??
 

Mumonkan

Well-Known Member
its weird, i thought i wouldnt want to look at my bike for like a week but i got back itching to just hammer around and be a complete asshole weaving in and out of traffic at high speed. my bikes still on its way here and i wont get to play with it or ride our trails till i get back monday from working at chicago this weekend. im anticipating being dissapointed in the local stuff when i do, but then again itl have been over a week since i rode dirt so ill probably be itching for trails again anyway

im still homesick though, now i know how Jim felt when he got back from Alaska and wanted to move.
 

Mumonkan

Well-Known Member
i left out a ton of shit but i wrote it all down, so ill fill in the blanks when i put it on my page
 

jackx

Well-Known Member
@Mumonkan . really descriptive writing about your awesome adventures. truly life and death stuff. you guys would have really be screwed without that water from the guy doing the elk recon for September.

Great pictures too.!

Next time, bring a portable water filter like LifeStraw and some Flagyl pills for giardia in case.

Holy crap. .. ever wonder how much hotter it will be in July/August?

Very heartfelt feelings about your mothers. I guess Mother's Day can be a reflective and difficult time if your mom has passed. My condolences.
 

Mumonkan

Well-Known Member
we both had sawyer mini filters and aquatabs, but a lot of the water was kiterally just shit soup. we werent about to test that .1% that gets through the chemicals or filter either, much less vomit from drinking shitjuice and losing even more fluids

i dont even want to think about riding down south in phx in the summer

fuck that.
 

KenS

JORBA: Director
JORBA.ORG
This is pure. Love it. Write more shit, fill in the gaps. This is why I have stared at maps and charts since I was old enough to stare and went to many of those places. Every day is a struggle to find balance between checking off places on the maps and supporting that which I have built at home. Plan the next one now!
 
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