James Pearl Thinks Blogging is Dead

[huffster]

Spending time with the kids:
I have 2 daughters (19 and 21 years old). Both are in college. One is away and the other is at home commuting.

The one who is away, well, that has actually improved our relationship. We don't butt heads like we did when we were together every day. Anyway, I think we both truly enjoy seeing each other. I usually volunteer to go get her to bring her home from breaks, which gives us a several hours to ourselves to talk and catch up. Also, if I have any other business in the area of her school, we will go out to lunch/dinner.

Regarding my other daughter who is at home. We see each other a lot, but it sometimes seems like we don't spend much "quality time" together. She's going to school, student teaching and has a steady boyfriend. We tend to get our time together over a family meal. Also, there are a few shows she watches, that I will watch with her, just to have time together...like 'Grey's Anatomy', 'This Is Us', etc. Yes, the primary convo revolves around the show, but its time together and it spins off into some real conversations, too.

Hiking is something we have done together over the years. It's healthy and it gives you a chance to talk and get away from the electronics and take in nature. I would put a lot of thought into planning hikes that had points of interest (views, old buildings, horse farm, mines, rock scramble, etc.). The more the better, so there's something to look forward to ahead. You also have to avoid making it too hard to avoid the "I'm tired" or "How much longer?" complaints. We did include friends sometimes, because it helped increase interest and cut down complaints. We also had cousins many times. This helped with their cousin-cousin relationships and our relationships with our nieces/nephews. As they have aged, they are both into the exercise of it now.

Response is getting long, but I highly encourage coaching whatever they do or at least being a part of it. I.e. I didn't coach dance, but I didn't miss any recitals. I did coach softball and basketball when they were younger. Definitely increased the time together.

Relaxing:
I like reading, but for some reason it has been relegated to something I do when sitting on the stationary bike or elliptical at the gym. Not sure why I don't just sit and read at other times.

As others have mentioned sometimes relaxation comes when relaxing the mind vs. the body. So, shoveling, blowing leaves, chopping firewood, fixing stuff, etc. These can feel like a break and a sense of accomplishment.

In the summer, we can sit pool-side for hours with family and friends. Music playing, sipping something, BS-ing.

Hiking is relaxing to me. I'm not talking about the family hikes above. Just me. Especially in winter. My pace. Sit for as long or as short as I want at a view point. Sometimes just standing still in the middle of the woods in the winter for a minute. Other times deciding, I think I'll run for a little while.

Admittedly, I'm guilty of passing too much time in front of TV, laptop, etc. But, my feet are up and I'm relaxed physically and mentally.

 

[Mitch]

Why not?

My alarm is beeping, when can you fix it.

Is Allaire rideable?

 

[MadisonDan]

Is that you?

 

[Mitch]

Is that you?

That's a question. I don't answer questions

 

[MadisonDan]

That's a question. I don't answer questions

Are you sure?

 

[Norm]

I'd like to say thank you to those who shared in response to my 2 questions. I appreciate the feedback and enjoyed reading all of that. For those of you who have read but did not reply, I am still open to hearing your answer to either #1 or #2, or both. I do agree that there is a difference between clearing your mind and relaxing. But it is also true that they are not mutually exclusive.

Today, the DST.

I woke up early and got on the broom with no specific goal in mind. In the end I did just over 2.5 hours and wound up with a hair over 14 for the week. My last 3 weeks have been 14-13-14, which is a good run given the time of year. I listened to the first 2 episodes of S-Town on the recommendation of @Delish and I will admit that it is instantly gripping. I had a feeling that episode #2 was going to end as it did, based on part of the intro of that same episode. At that point I briefly debated if I wanted to listen to any more. I admit that as riveting as Serial may or may not have been, I listened to 1 episode and stopped because I didn't think it represented something I wanted to consume. Part of me hated the entire concept of it.

After briefly thinking on it, I decided I would listen to the remaining 5. I have downloaded them to my phone for the flight tomorrow. After I finish these I'm sure I'll talk more about it and get to use...

Spoiler: Joy's Amazing Spoiler Tags!

Joy's Amazing Spoiler Tags! Oh wait that's not how it works...

This afternoon I took the kids to see A Wrinkle in Time which I thought was a perfectly fine movie. I heard the reviews weren't great and as an adult, sure I guess it was a little cheesy at times. But it's a kid's movie and it does send a good message, which is basically that no matter how dark things might get, the love you have for each other in your family (and I'll say by extension, your friends) can get you through that darkness. For Simon it was probably a movie about weird space travel but I hope the other 2 can understand a bit better what it's trying to convey.

When we got home, I had the 3 of them work on a 300 piece Star Wars puzzle that was laying around from Xmas. They did that in short order then hit up the Xbox while the rest of us went about the day before dinner. That translated to 2 suitcases.

Suitcase 1: This will go with Oma/Opa (D's parents) tomorrow when they take off and head to Florida. This allows us to pack a vacation suitcase and not have to check it in when we fly down. That makes the trip considerably easier. This suitcase consists mostly of things you need to sit on a beach, sit next to a pool, or ride a bike.

Suitcase 2: This will go with me tomorrow when I get on a plane just after 2:00 and head to Seattle until Thursday morning. I have workshops on Tue/Wed and in theory I will have a solid 8 hours after each day to do whatever I want. So I brought 2 sets of work clothes as well as some biking gear (Full disclosure: @seanrunnette talked me into bringing the gear). I really don't know what that will amount to, if anything. But I am taking it nonetheless. When I made my flight reservation there was nothing but middle seats. When I checked in tonight I was blessed with a single aisle seat which I gobbled up with glee.

Aside from that, we ate dinner and then wound down the evening as usual. Tomorrow marks the total explosion of the weekend, as D goes to work, the kids go to school, Oma/Opa go to Florida, and I go to Seattle. Last night the 9 of us (including my parents) had dinner in our house. Tomorrow night the 9 of us will have dinner in 6 different houses in 4 different states (NJ, PA, NC*, WA). Life is interesting when you look at it in a different light sometimes.

*NC on the way to FL.

 

[JimN]

1. You could try the climbing gym to see if there is any interest there. We regularly see parents climbing with their kids.

2. I like to do puzzles, but our house doesn't really have a good spot for it and Melinda isn't a fan of clutter all over the place for weeks. I also used to play a lot of video games, but don't really find the time as much anymore. I mainly just watch TV and zone out I guess. And ride and climb which doesn't count.

 

[jmanic]

Just Netflix-binged this blog.
Best way to ward off a case of the DST's.

1. What do you do to generate time with your kids together?

No kids, but as you may or may not know, we have a dog.
There are the standard maintenance times- the feeding, regular walks,
but quality time is anything that is a bonus beyond that-
a hike with both me and Mrs Manic, a trail run or visit to a local park,
or best yet: chasing the flying squirrel. Boy loves the flying squirrel- and bonus! Team colors!

2. What do you do to relax?

Basically anything when I'm not on task is relaxing. Typically this will be reading,
cooking, wrenching on the bikes, or getting involved in some household project.

Interestingly, it seems that the things that relax me are the exact opposite of my professional white collar life, and much of these "relaxing" activities involve physical labor.

Totally on board with this.
Getting into a Zen state on some physical task- chopping firewood, shoveling snow,
yeah. I know when I've hit the zone when time just disappears as a concept.

 

[jmanic]

And for the uninitiated, Swiffer questions:
1) How do you achieve levels? Is it just by accumulating hours, or is there a performance component to it as well?
I know you get the bonuses (Tron bike) by completing a challenge,
but does one achieve levels simply JRA?

2) Are there cheat codes, like to get that sweet crabon wheelset?

3) Is there a secondary market for things you earn- Like can you go and eBay that sweet Tron bike?

 

[clarkenstein]

1. kids... and time... what do i do? we play board games at the house, we actually have done yoga and meditation together as a family too. music - lots and lots of music. i am like the kids second piano teacher. they take lessons but i give them lessons at home. we also listen to music regularly in the house. i play the game of "what instrument is that?" with them when listening to classical. they are getting really good at it. we do family movie nights on fridays. sometimes do sleepovers/camping in the living room. we do camp outside as a family but not as often. we do a lot of reading together, and will do family trips to the library where we all walk out with our arms full of books and CDs. when the weather gets nicer there is a lot of fishing and family bike rides. or the "family constitutional" where we go for a walk around dusk in the summer. the kids love to hike the sourlands and now that they are getting older they are starting to rock climb, so we do family bouldering outings too. we'll do random stuff like trips to museums or to a local show. we are now going to start taking them to concerts (not rock shows, but classical). i think they are ready. my daughter loves to paint - she's addicted - so we paint a lot when the weather is bad.

2. relaxing for me? that's been very tough as far as time goes. work has been too demanding so i'm looking for a change. anyway, i read at lunch here at work. went on a motorcycle book binge. read the zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance (amazing, one of the best books i have read) and the motorcycle diaries (i get why it gets the attention it does, but personally i hated che's writing voice, flowery and boring - i don't recommend it). not sure what to pick up next but kate has said she has something lined up for me. i like to fix and build stuff. keep the hands busy. fixing the old motorcycle was a treat. i plan on taking another into the garage. fix and release. building the climbing wall in the house was a nice project. now i have a million house projects i have to finish up - and i do find working on them relaxing. improving/fixing things is fun. i like to find out how things work when they are broken. i also do a lot of music - i am playing/practicing now more than i have in a while. my trumpet playing is to a point where i would play in public and am looking into community orchestras/wind symphonies to play with. there are a few in my area so i'm going to give a few a shot. my piano playing (which has always been lacking) is coming along slowly. i pick away at a few pieces here and there, and most recently printed out the sheet music of debussy's clair de lune, and i'm assuming that piece will keep me busy for 12 -18 months before i can stumble my way through half of it. so far i have the first 20 measures down, but that's how music is - takes patience and time.

 

[Dominos]

I haven't read this morning's post yet but wanted to respond to Sunday's post.

1) connecting with the kiddos. Context - ours are 6, 4 and 1. I try to let the 6 & 4 year old have time to hang out and play with each other, outside of activities, grownups, etc. But when we do have one-on-one time, we cook or build stuff or make slime. Or ride bikes. I try to really put down my own phone when hanging out with them, modeling good behavior.

2) my own relax time is mostly either riding, running or doing yoga. Also laundry - I find it rejuvenating to take the chaos of a huge mountain of laundry and fold it, put it into piles by person, and turn disorder into order. Maybe @MadisonDan and I should be roommates.

 

[MadisonDan]

2) Are there cheat codes, like to get that sweet crabon wheelset?

up up down down left right left right B A B A start

 

[Robin]

pertaining to questions 1 and 2 from @Norm post...

1) I don't have any kids...of my own. However, I do sing and dance for about 100 high schoolers/day from 7:07 am to 2:32 pm.
2) anything not related to #1. I'm usually mentally shot by the time I get home...between that and my introvert behaviors, I'm totally content with vegging on the couch and not having to interact with anyone.

 

[pooriggy]

my trumpet playing is to a point where i would play in public

Funny you mention this as we are looking to put together a jazz sextet for the H2H races we are hosting...you know we want to put out a cool fun vibe.

 

[kdebello]

I just got back to catching up on forum after the weekend and just noticed the questions.

1. 2 girls, 11 and 13 years old. Completely different interests, with the 13 year old changing on a daily basis. I used to find things to do with them that interested me, while entertaining them. As they got older, I realized I should probably find out what they want to do. The younger one is really into tech, science, music. She's the project kid. The one who sets her mind to do something and gets it done. I spend a lot of time being her helper. The older one wants to try everything that is out there. She's always been the one who needs constant activity. Middle School offers so many choices in clubs and sports, which is good for her as we've found the grades have gone up when she's busy. It keeps her more focused. The downside is that we aren't as actively participating in what she's doing. She is the mountain biker, and still wants to ride with me. The best times I've had riding have been with her. You can't beat spending a day riding in the woods with your kid, even if she can drop me on most days.

One thing that we get to do as a family is softball. They're both really into softball which takes up the majority of our time all year. Pitching lessons, team practice, games. Its what they love, and it there is no off season so we're constantly going somewhere. They genuinely love it, so we support and are involved in any part they want us to be. They also both know they don't have to do this for us, and if at any point they want to stop, we're ok with it.

2. Relaxing. I don't relax anymore. At least I can't just sit down and watch a show or read a book like I used to. I found that when I slow down, I think too much and get too wound up. Defeating the point of relaxing. What I do to keep my mind off work, or other issues (mostly health related but that's another topic), is spend as much time with my kids as possible. At this point in time, at their ages, I find I'm more satisfied, sleep better and happier when I've spent a day with the kids doing something they enjoy.

 

[StayHydrated]

make slime

so hot right now

 

[Santapez]

#1 ) I don't remember the question. But judging by everyone's answers: We have a cat. I could compare it to having a child but that's like comparing a fender bender to WWII.

#2) Long Walk. Living where I live it's easy, when weather cooperates, to go for a long walk after work. Mental reboot with some physical effort. And that makes me think even more I should be going on mild hikes...

 

[Patrick]

Good luck with your travels.

1. We get our teenager involved in trip planning. We set the destination, he helps with picking some of the things to do, where to eat, spots to visit, locking-in dates, etc. Seems like a useful skill to be able to put yourself somewhere in the future, and make it work. We revisit and adjust plans the time approaches to account for weather etc. He also gets to lead at the airport/train station, but he doesn't know it. i keep asking 'which gate?' 'which direction?' 'what time?' 'do we have time to go to the bathroom?' etc. been doing it since he could read. he can navigate pretty well now. Since adults are interested in efficiency, it is difficult to let him make mistakes - but ya gotta let it happen, and not make a big deal. This was always a good framework for that.

I try to be a bench coach on the sports teams as much as possible. Other than an occasional re-direct of the conversation that they are having, it doesn't take much. I'm there, "participating" and hear what is going on with the kids. even tho they can't image i can hear from 8' away. I also act interested when he tells me what happened on xbox that day. since he has to listen to bike stuff. We watch a bunch of baseball during the season.

And those damn puzzles. I swear he just walks up and starts putting pieces in, while i'm struggling to find one. I take my taunting like a man. Then we eat ice cream.

 

[stb222]

Good luck with your travels.

1. We get our teenager involved in trip planning. We set the destination, he helps with picking some of the things to do, where to eat, spots to visit, locking-in dates, etc. Seems like a useful skill to be able to put yourself somewhere in the future, and make it work. We revisit and adjust plans the time approaches to account for weather etc. He also gets to lead at the airport/train station, but he doesn't know it. i keep asking 'which gate?' 'which direction?' 'what time?' 'do we have time to go to the bathroom?' etc. been doing it since he could read. he can navigate pretty well now. Since adults are interested in efficiency, it is difficult to let him make mistakes - but ya gotta let it happen, and not make a big deal. This was always a good framework for that.

I try to be a bench coach on the sports teams as much as possible. Other than an occasional re-direct of the conversation that they are having, it doesn't take much. I'm there, "participating" and hear what is going on with the kids. even tho they can't image i can hear from 8' away. I also act interested when he tells me what happened on xbox that day. since he has to listen to bike stuff. We watch a bunch of baseball during the season.

And those damn puzzles. I swear he just walks up and starts putting pieces in, while i'm struggling to find one. I take my taunting like a man. Then we eat ice cream.

At age 5, I stopped to drop my son off further and further away from the house and had him navigate himself home. Started within the development , then the development across the street, then 1/4 mile away until we got to his school 2 miles away.

Seemed to work well for navigation skills.

 

[w_b]

1. What do you do to generate time with your kids together?

2. What do you do to relax?

At 6, my twins self-generate, nay, demand, time together. Frankly, when we leave them to their "devices" that's when the trouble starts. I know it's only a matter of time before this trend swings 180 the other way, so I take it for all it's worth. Lately we are playing Monopoly if we have a larger chunk of time. They love to wheel and deal for properties, and the banking is helping their math skills. They also like to get outside as much as possible, basketball lately, Razor skooters, and tossing the pigskin. I've been meaning to delete training wheels from their bikes, but keep putting it off for one reason or another. I think this will be a good project when the weather finally breaks; the balance they are showing on their skoots tells me they are (past) ready. The kids also like NFL, MLB, Nascar, so we watch a fair amount of that in place of the drivel they have on for their age group these days.

Like others have mentioned, my relaxation tends to be something far removed from the day to day of my work in medical device design and manufacturing. Boating and fishing, yard work, reading, TV, projects down in the workshop. I love American muscle cars, so tend to get sucked in to whatevs on Discovery or Velocity if I'm flipping.

And Bourbon. Lots of Bourbon.

Thanks for blogging!