The Heckle Report

The Heckler

You bring new meaning to the term SUCK
I finally rebuilt my rear china carbon last night. First time doing the 'tape the rims together' trick. Worked pretty well. Took about 1:45 to move the rim over, tension and true. I got it within .5mm radially and .25mm laterally. For my first wheel build in 2 years I'm happy with it, and for a CX disc rim it will be totally fine. Built in bed because RECOVERY.

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I have a couple of left over Fangos from last year stretching. If all goes to plan I'll have these done hopefully tonight. Realistically I'll be lucky if I get them both glued by Sunday.

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THIS DAY IN HECKLE HISTORY

October 20th 2013 - Martycross
Back when the race was a double weekend and I raced the 4/5 I fought my way onto the seconds step of the podium both days. Here's day 2. Day 1 @mbruno stood on the top step. I guess this was only 3 years ago. It's hard to comprehend that. It seems more like a decade past.
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And finally, my dad sent me this picture last night. Poor fella was found in the outside beer trash. Did he drown, or was it the bottle??

Foul play not suspected.
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The Heckler

You bring new meaning to the term SUCK
WEEKEND PREVIEW Whirlybird & Martycross
That's right, not traveling very far this weekend (or next!)

WHIRLYBIRD! MAC #7
This venue sucked to preride but was a total ripper at race pace. SUPER fast! 1/2/3 predictor! By the numbers this should be a very exciting race!
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Marty's 1/2/3
Last night there were still only 3 pre-reg'd, happy it filled out a bit! Is Ralf fast? Stoked that plans changed and I'm making this event. This crew rules and they put me on the poster!
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Looking forward to a weekend in my own bed and some morning coffee and vinyl time. GONNA BE SIQ!!!
 

seanrunnette

Brain Damaged Ray Romano
Team MTBNJ Halter's
Built in bed because RECOVERY.
Worst porn ever.
And yes, Ralf is fast. He tends to move late in the race, and if you get elbow to elbow with him you will come up short an elbow. He's been at this a loooooooong time. Genuinely nice guy off the bike.
 

seanrunnette

Brain Damaged Ray Romano
Team MTBNJ Halter's
Faster than conceivable for somebody who may literally be twice your age. crossresults points are always skewed lower for Masters racers but he is solid. You got this doe.
I ran out of ways to like this. Esp. the "you got this" part. Sorry I won't see you and Matt go at it!
 

The Heckler

You bring new meaning to the term SUCK
Whirlybird 1/2/3 2016
WOOOWEE! I think I may keep this weeks recaps quick and dirty.

My mom invited me over for Chinese food Friday night, though one was "sick, free food." Thought two was "oh, god dammit, there goes getting my diet on the rails." Mitigated the possible damage with Pork fried rice and an eggroll. No, I didn't need the eggroll but they are fucking tasty so I got one.

Worked from about 8-10:30 tuning bikes and gluing wheels Friday night. woof.

Made plans to carpool with @rsinger814 and Keb to Whirly, headed over there for 10:30ish and got down to the venue around 12:15. Had granola and chocolate cashew milk on the drive and pit stopped and had a 6" quick check tuna sub and a dope ass Reese's cookie which I didn't need but it was fucking tasty so I got it.

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VENUE
Spitting misty rain and wind. cold. fuckin A was the wind piercing, good thing the course is laid out with 1000 straightaways.

Do a couple laps and it's pretty wet. A couple slick corners but apparently it's drying up. It actually is drying up.

Warm up in the car. Not the best idea but it keeps me happier.

Line up first row because 13 person field. surprise no cam dodge.

The holeshot was weird. It was basically a slow motion slog but hurt 1000% over. Sick warm up. Make a couple moves and settle in around @mbruno and Philly Sean. Good spot to be. The front of the race rides away pretty quick. I ride with those two until Matt pits, he comes back quick. Dude is so strong!

Matt attacks EVERY climb. Took a lot away this weekend racing with him. They put some space in and slowly expand the lead the final 4 laps to about 20 seconds I want to say.

Oh, low point of the day. Come through '5 Laps to go.' - SICK! I CAN DO THAT.

Come around next lap '5 laps to go.' What? No. Fuck.

Anyway, 7th is nowhere to be found an I finish alone in 6th - good enough for 60 bones. Ryan races next I cheer and change. Here's homie shredding the 3/4
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We change and I propose we hit Siren record up in Doylestown which the group agrees on. SICK! Spent my prize money on vinyl which made me v-stoked. I don't buy much at all during CX season so maybe this will be my splurge, only spending prize money. Loot is a used copy of Cloud Nothing's Here and Nowhere Else (which I've been listening to on spotify a TON ~read stoked~), Blink 182 Dude Ranch which I bought myself on CD in 6th grade and a Dave Brubeck Compilation 2XLP, great stuff on there. Cover is beat but plastic plays GREAT!

Leaving Siren I find the #lightbro. Seriously, this stopped my dead in my tracks.
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Dinner at a Taco joint, solid tacos. Have 2 chicken on corn tortillas and a side of rice.
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Ice cream for dessert, haven't had a cone in a while. I treated myself. ugh.
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Made it home at about 9ish, cleaned and tuned the bikes and got the SS in order just in case.

1/2/3
https://www.strava.com/activities/752724958
 
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The Heckler

You bring new meaning to the term SUCK
MARTYCROSS 1/2/3 - SS 2016
So happy I made it to Martycross this year! The plan was otherwise until Tuesday, happy it changed, TRULY.

7:00 Alarm - Spun up Brubeck while I chilled with some coffee and wolfed down my yogurt granola promptly followed by more granola with choc cashew milk. YUM.

Hit the road at 8:30 to arrive for 9. Jesse hooked me up with VIP parking. So saweet!!! Caught up with some rad people, talked bike smut shortly with @ChrisG (who has a stable to die for), met @The Squirrel, scoped @StayHydrated 's PRO-AF tailgate setup (dude, I hope you have some picture to share, such a good setup with a high energy group!) and got stoked to yell at @MadisonDan, Harry and @Santapez for the 4/5 gentleman's / cat5 race. The field blew out fast as Dan set a vicious pace. Harry worked his way up and the boy's finished 1/2 me thinks. I won't ruin Dan's recap much more. Speaking of vicious, my heckles were kinda in rare form this morning. Homie was gettin a little mean out there. Just a little, just to see how it felt.

Damn did that morning fly. I went out of my second set of laps and pit stopped for some coffee at Tim's tailgate zone. Leaving I hammered a mount on the off camber and rolled my first fucking tire ever in 82ish races racing on tubulars. FUCK! Talk about a day to remember. I unglued a good 8 inch section of my rear XG. Bummer. I popped it back on, rode up to the car swapped rear wheels with my pit bike and wound be running an XM rear and XG front. Pit bike? YOU MEAN MY PINK SS! Swapped the pedals over and went out for my first ride ever on the All City. Adjusted to the bike V-Fast, while a total pig (even with carbon wheels) it actually rides great and handles very well. I had my brakes setup to engage way too soon, dialed them back then changed into my skin suit and had a wee panic when I realized my race was at 12:00 and not 12:15, or 12:30. ughh, my lyyyfffeeeee.

Harry hooked my up with a quick pin at 11:46, @mbruno offered to drop my bike in the pit (thanks again dude!) and I hear last call 1/2/3 Men. So of course I ride to the portajohn instead of the start line. Had plenty of time!

Staging is a great vibe. Everyone is chilling mostly making jokes. Always good chill vibes when John K of King Kog is around.

It's COLD AND WINDY! AGAIN! At least no rain to add insult to injury.

GO!
I hammer mash my pedal and fuckin JUMP forward, holy shit! Szymon is the only dude ahead of me and I take the first corner wide and decide, eff it, I wanna drive this bitch for a sec. I come by and set pace for half of lap one. It was pretty nice leading a train for once this year, but fuck was that train off the rails. I blew the tape on a tight corner in the bottom field, and 2 come around, then again coming down the off camber. YO! Such a hot mess lap 1.

Positions mostly shake out and it's Szymon, Bill, Matt and myself at the front. I work into second wheel and Szymon digs in an effort and put a little gap in, I tell Matt he better go because my legs aren't about to counter that. Bill and Matt come around and I hang off the back of them for a couple laps.

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6 to go. Cool I can do 6 more. Seeing that number is becoming normal.

One lap later. 6 TO GO.

You've gotta be fucking kidding me USAC. Two days in a row with this shit? Fuck.

It actually has an effect on me I crack for just a few seconds and Matt & Bill put a gap on me that never really gets bigger or smaller the rest of the race. I lose and gain a second a lap and basically stay exactly where I am.

Matty goes down on the bottom off camber with maybe 3 or 4 to go, Jesse is right there yelling at me, "HE'S DOWN, ATTACK, GOGOGOGO!" I hear @Superfly100guy yelling right there too!

I push myself through the red and into the dark red for a moment. ouch.. BUT I GOTTA BOOGY!!!! I stay on it, I see Bill chasing Szymon and he's not far ahead, he stays that same distance the whole way, but Szymon fades at the end. He made his move and played his cards. It was but time.

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With maybe 2 to go I see Matt at the top of the hill about 20 seconds back at that point. He's off his bike and pulling tape out of his rear wheel. Damn, homie can't get a break. Weatherchannel dude is now chasing but as @seanrunnette said "he was a football field away." I'll tell you what, in podium contention in a field filled with strong dudes YOU BETTER BELIEVE that football field was 2 bike lengths in my mind.

Bill catches and passes Szymon by the barriers and I see Szymon all alone on the final 180 by the start chute not far ahead but way out of reach for me.

3rd. Damn, so stoked. Seriously. Went directly to hydrate, banana town, and more hydrate city. Single speed? I shouldn't.

1/2/3 Podium!
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Singlespeed. I shouldn't. I pull the trigger and get a number. IDIOT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU'RE SO TIRED YOU HANDS ARE CRAMPING. Turns out the race was an hour later then I thought. Recurring theme of me not knowing what time race time is? Yup. I embro since I didn't have time for the 1/2/3 and hang in the car for a while. Uh, so I embro'd way too early and I GOT IT EVERYWHERE. Embro-pocalypse 2016. Seriously, all over my car, steering wheel, console, my bike, TT, HT, jacket. Bottom of my nose... EVERYWHERE.

Roll over to staging, stoked to see Nelson out. Homie showed up fresh for this race only. Woof, begin to fear having to pedal my bike, haha. Meet Wayne riding for Burnside Forge, stoked to see a Brett Baumann bike as always. He's got a solid crew repping his brand.

We slot in 30 seconds behind the Woman's 3/4 (3?) and in front of some young guns and then the younger guns behind them. The SS field is actually a pretty solid 7-9 dudes deep. Rad!

GO!

Nelson takes the holeshot, I totally don't repeat my 1/2/3 performance and spend the whole first straigh trying to shimmy my cleat into my pedal.

I've done a lot of laps at this venue over the last 4 years. I figure I'm up to about 25 race pace laps plus another 15-20 preride laps and even more from some cross practices. I really get the flow pretty well now. I sit in and totally take advantage of my comfort on the course for my current 1 speed situation. We catch the tail end of the woman's cat by the barn. The USAC official actually said "you'll be starting 30 seconds apart, it's supposed to be 1 minute. But, 30 is fine."

The race then becomes "okay, I don't want Nelson to ride away from me, but I won't be an aggro d-bag and make rude passes to the woman's field because they deserve to have a clean race unaffected by our SS non-sense. I do my best to pass at safe spots, announce myself and leave tons of space. I really hope I managed myself as well as I think I did.

I catch Jess at the front of the race at the final climb before the off camber on lap one. DAMN she has a gap! Jess is dating Jim who's my buddy who owns the house I'm living in. TURNS OUT SHE'S A TOTAL CRUSHER! Rad!

After Jess it's short time until we start catching the yougererest of the racers on lap 2. So many props for the youngest group of kids out there! They are all total shredders! So many kids out running what they can't ride but totally staying on it. I made sure to call myself early, slow up and get confirmation on the passes.

I come up the hill-o-death and my hands are cramping. I'm full bork keeping that bike moving forward with my skinny ass chicken legs. I crest the top and roll my way towards the switchback-o-death. JUST THEN A MIDDLE AGE WOMAN WITH A CAMERA HOPS THE TAPE TO CROSS THE COURSE!! PANIC MODE! ENGAGE MOVING BARRIER, EXPERT BONUS LEVEL. We tango for a sec, I brake hard and just duck here. Woah, close call. Wasn't going to fast but it would have been a pretty bad time for both parties, fur shure. I think I yelled pretty loud and tried to turn it into a 'joke' but was definitely running on some adrenaline and was genuinely a little shaken up.

How about the depth of that sky? And that color that burns itself into camera sensors?? Thanks for the shot @rsinger814 !
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I'm riding with Rivertown racing dude and he's basically right there with me. I start testing waters to see where I can put space. Hill-o-death he doesn't recover as well at the top. There's time to gain and barriers, there's time to gain. Okay, Let's only go hard in those sections and the s/f stretch + DH because well, damn thats just good honest fun to ripppppp!

The gap creeps a little bigger everylap and then I get a bell. 4 lap race. perfect. Coming around for the finish I think I hear a whistle. They aren't pulling people, are they? There is a woman in a Ten Speed Hero kit. I have a solid lead so I sit up and soft pedal to keep her in front of me. She gets pulled and I'm too frustrated to do my "slappa da bass" post up I had spent the whole last lap planning. I actually yelled at USAC for pulling those ladies. It was bullshit, neither Jess nor I caught those racers. Uncool, I feel a little bummed for being partially responsible for ending their races early. Again, I wanted to have fun without interrupting their race, or minimizing the interruption.

Still had fun on top of the podium with a monster can of Fosters.
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Clean up this year was FAST! There was a great crew making haste in the field. I only worked for about 25 minutes and everything was already torn down and piled up. I asked if it was cool if I dipped and skipped the Van pick up step and everyone seemed fine. Actually racing 2 races did a number as opposed to last year where I actually raced the SS, sorta raced the 3 and party lapped the 1/2/3.

Such a great weekend. Sunday was definitely the high. So great to see so many faces and spend some time with the Marty's crew. Miss that gang so much!

Thanks for the cheers, splits and heckles along the way today. Truly appreciate the support!!

1/2/3
https://www.strava.com/activities/754087854

SS
https://www.strava.com/activities/754087836
 

Santapez

Well-Known Member
Team MTBNJ Halter's
Nice job out there. I'm glad you rolled that tubular when you did, much better then a half hour later.

May be the worse race I've been to with USAC. They also pulled Tim when he wasn't passed. Complete bullshit.
 
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